You know you love drama <3

Do you still like him?

2012-01-19T07:55:00.003+08:00

No. I miss him occasionally though. Funny how he was tangible just a month ago and now he's just some guy in my head. I barely remember how he sounds like, how exactly he looks like but one thing is I can still remember his smile. And his sharp nose. Basically, everything that I stored in my head and labeled as "Memory" is slowly being passed to the shredders.

At first it was really hard when I stored him freshly in my head. He kept knocking on the memory door forcing me to open it. Constantly knocking and knocking. But as the day passed, the knocking has slowed down. Sometimes I could resist opening the door but there are times I willingly open it. Just so I don't forget him. I mean, he was something real before this.

I can't control what goes up there. I can't control who stays and who goes. If you choose to stay, good; if not then, up there you go. And I'll pray I don't store you so deep that I forget the good things. Like his smile. And his nose. I never want to forget those. But I can't save his voice. I don't know where it is.

And all these. They're precious to me. Any little thing I could keep, I would. Just so I would remember him. Remember that he was real. I'm not going to change the name for some time cause if I do then that means I'm ready to forget. But the thing is, I'm not ready yet. I'm still hoping. I'm still holding onto that twig even though I know it can't support me and I'm about to fall down a cliff. But I'm just gonna hold on. Just hoping.

Don't Give Me Hope by Eman Awad

2011-12-12T23:26:00.003+08:00

Wow found a poem that's fitting to my predicament. Given that the grammar is flawed, the meaning surfaced nevertheless.

There are things that better left unsaid,
don't even wonder why, it's all over and gone.
Close your ears on those thoughts in your head,
and say you didn't love me, say i'm not the one.

I'm over it, even dreaming of you every day,
is not the high light of my days any more.
I'm through with it, and i've walked away,
i knew i had to before my heart gets soar.

Just like swimming in a sea,
and knowing that it never had a shore.
It's the way you've lived in me,
and the way you spread in me with no cure.

Do you want the real story or the lie?
yes, i'm still in love with you despairdly.
But i've learned not to cry,
and to get by with this fact endessly.

I can't get over it just because you don't want me to,
you just want me on the side to beautifully shine.
You weren't fair to me like i was to you,
you still give me hope though you're not even mine.

I've locked you in and i threw the key,
don't give me hope and don't say it in my face.
Why do i feel like you're coming back to me,
why every sweet thing in my life is gone without a trace?

An awkward Hi.

2011-11-10T22:19:00.002+08:00

Look, I know I haven't posted anything and I'm not going to feel guilty about it cause I can't be arsed (cba) about anything. A lot of the things that I used to do as an interest like reading, writing, and of course, blogging, feels like a chore to me now. A chore that I don't do.

But this is not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to talk about life. My life. How I am being treated. I'm not blaming anyone in particular because this is my life, and I am in charge of it, I know.

Okay. Here's the shit. Recently (well not at all that recent but whatever), I have this exaggerated feelings towards this Finnish boy who doesn't give a rats ass about my existence. I mean, yeah, he knows I exist, I know he exists (of course), I say hi to him, he says hi back. It's just that. I'm telling you, I bet he doesn't remember my name. Not even the first letter. And knowing the possibilities of this fact just dampens my soul.

And the thing that I'm just thinking about is the fact that I haven't seen his sharp Finnish nose in a long ass time. I haven't had a good conversation with him, I want to have a conversation with him. And he's going back to Finland after his finals and I'm not going to see him anymore I'm just a depressed little girl right now it hurts look at the lack of punctuation mark omg i just wanna see his face his sharp nose his smile the outline of his profile when he walks he walks so calmly so laid back like there's not a rush in the world he truly defies the time ok stop.

I like this guy. And I can't do anything about it cause it's like he doesn't exist, I don't see him around. For all I know he might just be a figment of my imagination. The conversation we had the teasing we did was all just my wishful thinking. He's like a werewolf ok - they only come out on a full moon. omg he's a werewolf isn't it.

What I mean to say in this post is that, I'm not lucky when it comes to love. Fact, I'm not lucky in a lot of things. I am not fond of falling for anyone, having feelings for anyone, cause I've seen the ending over and over and over again like a broken record player playing the same shit again and again. It's not a good ending. And then people tell me "Don't find love, let love find you", that's the shittiest bullshit I've ever had to stumble upon. I'll believe that shit when someone tells me love happens to have a map, a gps, a compass, google, bing, all on search for me - which it doesn't.

I'm just so over feelings. Having feelings suck. I don't wish to have feelings after this guy goes back to his homeland. I'll just be neutral. I'll be one of those asexual people. Then i'll have one less thing to worry about. So... Fuck you love, fuck you hard.

It's been awhile.

2011-08-28T01:08:00.004+08:00

You know what. There won't be any url change. I just thought that because I blog once in a blue moon, better not bother. If I change it, it'd be like me putting hopes on ya'll reader(s) (if there is any) that I'd be posting more frequently, which I won't.

Why am I not posting as often as I should? College life. It's pretty... Tiring. Not hectic, just tiring. Really really tiring. Especially on Thursday; that's when class starts at 8AM. I know, torture. I didn't come here to wake up early ok.

And I'm lazy. I CBA to come here anymore. Yes, I said I CBA to come here. It's the real shiz.

But, if you really really need to be up-to-date about my on-goings, I haz a twittah. (Just click here) or here or http://twitter.com/#!/feliciajulin

So anyway right, I'm going back home to Miri later this night. Cannot wait ok. HI BITCHEZZZZZZZ.

KTHXBAI.

Remember?

2011-07-31T01:59:00.005+08:00

Remember I said I was thinking of moving to another url because this current one is just too tacky and I do not revolve around love anymore? Yeah, well it's still happening. I'm just procrastinating like it's nobody's business right now so... I'll be pleased to inform when it actually happens though. Hopefully very soon.

And for an FYI, I am officially a Taylor's University Lakeside student studying in Foundation in Communication. I won't be elaborating about this info any further since it's 2.12AM right now and I am sleepy. (Sleepy? Felicia? At 2AM? WHUT?) - I know right? But then again I awoke at 11ish this morning due to disturbance from outside; there was a fishing competition going on.

Plus, I've been very tired this whole week TYVM. I need a great sleep before I even think about sitting in a class for 6 hours next week OK. As much as I'd like to adapt easily around here, my timing is just not compromising. I'm well known for being tardy. And I get sleepy after a few hours of just waking up.

OK I'm blabbing. Gots to go. Night.

Flabbergasted

2011-06-25T16:03:00.002+08:00

Honestly, I wanted to come here and vent about my anger towards Digi. So here's the deal. I was texting 2 people this morning, one was a fellow digi-an, another is a celcom. My credit was just hanging on a thread as it was 0.27 or less I don't know. Then A hotlink texted me, so basically, all that is left of my credit went poof into thin air, isn't it? Yes, cause the text saying I need to reload to enjoy messaging or whatever it was, came.

So, I reloaded, cause I bought my reload coupon a week earlier. Then the text saying your reload has been successful and your balance blah blah is 30.01 came. So, I texted the celcom, and the hotlink then went to check *126#, and fuck me my balance was RM 14. 71. Like wtf is going on here? I checked my coupon card even though I know it's RM30, I just checked it and it says right there in clear enough orange letters RM30. So I started thinking, am I being ripped off? Why is digi ripping me off? What have I done to them to deserve such treatment? I' ve been a loyal customer ffs.

So, I kept checking my balance, it was still RM14. Then a text came from 2900 saying I subscribed the Internet Unlimited 15, so the fee is RM15. So I'm like thinking, when the fuck did I agree to this shit? I mean, my current phone can't fucking use any Internet, let alone send an MMS or use a GPRS or even Bluetooth so when the fuck and why the fuck did I agree to subscribe to this motherfucking expensive shit ass app? Then I remembered, It was back when I still thought my friends were too busy to be texting me so I have tons of credit to waste. Fs, I just want to kill myself now.

So now, I have 7 days of unlimited Internet that I can't even use. I am the luckiest person alive, no?

And yeah, all this was what I was suppose to vent out but now... I'm just really angry at myself. I'm not going to fucking unsubscribe to that shit unless it gives back the RM15 it took off of me. Fs, they took me off-guard that's just rude!

I'm just really angry right now. GOD. SOMEONE JUST BUY ME A MOTHERFUCKING BB ALREADY SO I COULD USE THIS UNLIMITED INTERNET! ugh. UGH! omg just... UGH! fuck ya'll!

This feels foreign to me now

2011-06-07T17:49:00.002+08:00

How long has it been since I last blogged? About 2 months if my simple Math hasn't failed me. I haven't been motivated into blogging. Or anything in life, really. Daily routine goes on like, awake and not awake, trudging myself around like a zombie - just an unproductive mundane life. Have been doing so for 5 months or so; will still be doing it till July.

If you need an epitome of a wasted life, feel free to contact me via comments (or E-mail/ mobile). Maybe you'd like to run an experiment on me or make me as a lab rat to test some new antidote to prevent life wasting. Won't be doing it for free, though - I am, trying to find productivity after all.

Enough about that, I've just come to noticed this, this afternoon. Opened my Facebook page and saw every single one of my friends running their life, maybe not exactly living their life but just simply being alive. There's a fine line between those two, mind you. Since high school ended for me at the end of last year, I've more than often fallen into the latter.

Let me show you where the bold lines are drawn. In my perspective, to be living your life, you're doing something worthwhile. Like traveling, for me at least. Not many gets to do this at a young age unless you have a mountain of money and it’s out of one's comfort zone. Being audacious is key. And a cup of impulsive, don't forget. (Wow why does this feel like a traveling guide advice wtf?) Just doing something new, worth experiencing - that's living your life. When you feel the need to "figuring yourself out", travel - that is the answer; did you not watch/ read Eat Pray Love. Or you know, go somewhere other than your city; to the countryside or whatever.

As for simply being alive; you're just alive. Like a finely disguised zombie dragging itself to point A to point B then vice versa and repeat the next day. To succinct what I've just described - just getting through the day. Wake up, run your errands, go to sleep; no disturbance intermittent, hopefully and that would be a fine day. This is what I do in the fullest of descriptions. Except I have no errands to run on most days.

I'd like to put a stop to this lifestyle, but I can't just up and run. I haz no money ya digz? Ffs if I did, imagine all the wondrous things I'd do. 5 fucking months is a long time, that's 140 days ffs. Let's say I'd stay 2weeks in a European city, I could've stayed in 14 cities wtf. Yeap, one can only imagine. But one is determined to realize it, Amen.

P.s, I'm thinking of moving to another url. I've come to a point in my life where I don't revolve around love. I'll get back to that phase again just not now. I don't even think about it, unless you count infatuation as love and it's for male celebrities that are out of my reach. Henry Golding and Ibrahim Afellay, yeap not going to even be subtle about that. So anyway, yeah, moving, new url, not soon though. Will inform too.

Just.

2011-04-09T20:34:00.003+08:00

I have so many things I want to say. Things that are irrelevant and does not relate to one another in any way. They're just things I want to say. That I need to put out into words. Why am I not putting it out into words? Because I can't comprehend what they are saying. They spew out all at once filling my head. I can't place what word with what word. I can't seem to conjugate them. They're just undefined right now. I am undefined.

I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis in my last couple of teenage years. That's just wrong though. Because I'm not in my thirties or so to call it a mid-life crisis. It's just a crisis isn't it?

Maybe it's not a crisis after all. Maybe it's just one of those days... Where everything seems like it's moving without you. Or maybe I'm just a drama queen. Making things seems much worse than it really is. No one knows. Not you, not me. I'm just irrelevant right now. I'm at my low point. Waiting for something exciting to happen to up my mood, but not making any effort to making it happen.

Wow. What? I am not making any sense. I guess that's the excerpt of what I was talking about. About saying irrelevant things that does not relate to each other in anyway. I'm just simply conjugating words together.

This post is so dull. My blog is dull. My life is dull. Ugh

How'd my results turned out?

2011-03-25T21:18:00.003+08:00

Just heh. I'm still alive aren't I? No lines on my wrist, no bruise(s) on my body. I guess I'm fine. One thing, life is more relaxing now. No more taunting dreams about not getting any As, failing my BM therefore making me illegible to taking my cert. No hyperventilating happening when I think of how much I fucked up in my papers. I can just calm down, sit back, put my feet on the table , eat some junk foods whilst watching some good film. At least for the meantime.

Also, I need to start applying for school/s before my dad jumps up to the chance and throw me to Curtin, because that's what he is still persisting on. I have my eye on one school. Everyone that's relevant to me knows what school that is. In my previous post I mentioned it a few times if not just once. And that school shall be the school I will be affiliated to. Not Curtin, for sure. No. Just no.

But because I'm reconsidering of the expenditure that my dad would need to cough out for me per month, I guess I will look out for a back up school that would cost less. Nonetheless, it won't be in Miri. Or Sarawak. I'll be damned. Heck, if I could just come out and say, "Oh haaay, I wanna go to uh... London to study", I would. Don't hesitate to think for one second I wouldn't. But that is only if I could. I can't. And plus, it would be interfering with my plans. It's far too early for London according to my plans.

(What is this plan that I am talking about? None of your buzishness okay? It's top secret and only for the eyes of a certain person bestowed by the name of Felicia Julin to lay upon. Ya gots it hommie?)

OK, s'all.

It's not yours for the taking.

2011-03-19T19:14:00.003+08:00

I know we don't have serious-meaningful-advice-giving kind of conversations, ever. So yeah, I don't have any high expectations on you to know much about me; what things I'm into, how I want my future to look like, where I want to be in the future, what I want to do. But when we do end up talking about my future, I should have a say in it, it is my future after all. You can't just barge in and throw everything of mine out and forcing your things in.

I don't know how you could think that could work. Maybe it would work if I was 6 years old. Maybe bribe me with ice cream even. Take me rides on the bus all over town. Buy me a Barbie doll when I'm sick. Tell me bedtime stories at night about Winnie the Pooh and how many colours of flowers has Pooh found in the woods. Treating us KFC for dinner on particular occasions. But I'm not. So, it won't work.

I should explain what I'm ranting on about. Just few weeks back, dad and I had a very bold and straight to the point conversation over dinner.

"So what course do you want to take in college? Take Law OK?" - He sounded so hopeful that I would say yes to taking Law. But I can't. My history isn't any good and I just have zero point of interest in doing it. So I answered him, "Mass Com?". I said it with my eyebrows and tone raised a little bit. It was a rhetorical question.

So he asked what's mass com, I wanted to explain to him but he jumped right in even before I opened my mouth. He said "What college do you want to go to?". I said "Taylor?". Another rhetorical question. He replied, "Isn't that college expensive? Why don't you go to Curtin? You could go to Australia on the last year". So I told him, "I don't want to be in Miri", in a whiny way. He replied, "No need to be too far lah" Then Mom, walked into the conversation, "Taylor is close to Sunway". Then dad said, "yeah I know but it's too expensive". Then they dropped the whole conversation.

Then tonight, the conversation started again over dinner. This time with mom, dad's offshore so yeah. "Your dad asked you to choose a better course" said mom all of a sudden. I swear I was appalled. My face literally did the ":O" face. I'm like wtf did you just say? Fuck me, this is not real. No way I heard those words said out loud to me. No fucking way. I guess mom saw my face and reiterated what she said. In reply I said something, but I forgot what I said. Something like "what if I'm not interested in another course". Then mom asked, "the course that you want, don't they have it here?". Don't they have it here. Don't they have it here. I was seething by the time she finished saying that. "I don't want to be in Miri" I whined. "What about in Kuching?" asked mom and I retorted "I don't want Sarawak!". Then she started saying things about my brother's already gone off, now I want to go off too.

What the fuck is up?! Why can't they seem to plant the idea of me not wanting to be stuck in this shit hole forever? After she started that going away thing I just left the table. I can't handle hearing another single word from her.

Why are they so hard to talk to? Especially my dad. Why does he keep trying to force me to take Law or something else? Yeah, back then before the first conversation took part I would be able to understand why. He doesn't know what I want to take. But now he knows, why is he still trying to ask me to take something else? What is so wrong about me wanting to do what I want to do?

I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry you didn't get your wish granted. I'm sorry when you said you wanted an Engineer, a Lawyer and a Doctor as a career for your kids, you didn't get it. I'm sorry I didn't live up to your expectations. I'm sorry I can't be any one of those. I'm just sorry.

Update on my on-goings for the past week.

2011-03-14T20:16:00.007+08:00

Sunday, 6 March - what did I do? I'm not sure. Nothing, I'm guessing.

Monday, 7 March - went out of the cave to be reintroduced to the civilized world. It's not a fun world out there. The heat from the sun penetrates into my skin and it hurts. The day was so damn bright I had to squint my eyes all the while long I was out without shelter. Not to forget, the air was just... Dirty. I felt like I was suffocating wtf it was so polluted I just can't breathe. And I'm not being dramatic here, the smoke scent from the cigarettes were suffocating. But fret you shall not, all this, only lasted by day. As soon as dark comes knocking in, dirty lemmings scattered away and there were no more smoke.

Tuesday, 8 March - Nothing, I'm guessing?

Wednesday, 9 March - Early in the morning at 3.40 or so watch Arsenal-Barca 2nd leg match, really an upsetting match. Don't even bother watching it if you haven't. Unless you're a Cule, might as well, enjoy.

Thursday, 10 March; Friday, 11 March - Nothing worthwhile.

Saturday, 12 March - Went to Jaje's for her Birthday. It was a great sight, honestly. Everyone was gathered, going on about random things. Le sigh.

Sunday, 13 March - Early Sunday Morning, 1.15-ish watched Arsenal-MU match. Not as upsetting as Arsenal-Barca. This match, statistic-wise, we would've won it, we had more shots, more goal attempts, possessions; but bitch be crazy if she thinks people care about the statistics. And van der Sar was just simply supertasticly sharp. And Chicharito, you adorable sweet little Mexican pea. Oh my God, if you were to goal instead of that twin person and that Shrek boy, I think I'd be less bitter. But you didn't so... Heh.

And I'm not sure which day was it, I think somewhere between Wednesday to Friday, I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I know, I'm like ~~centuries~~ 3 years late, can you blame me for not being fond of Brad Pitt? But anyway, that movie is not disappointing. I recommend it. And may I add, as Benjamin "grew old", I forgot I wasn't fond of him because he just simply looked hot; don't worry though, I'm still not all that fond of him. And some of the quotes from the movie is just A+, swearssss.

This one touched me deep:

Benjamin, we’re meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us? — Mrs. Maple

Here's my favorite:

Sometimes we're on a collision course, and we just don't know it. Whether it's by accident or by design, there's not a thing we can do about it. A woman in Paris was on her way to go shopping, but she had forgotten her coat - went back to get it. When she had gotten her coat, the phone had rung, so she'd stopped to answer it; talked for a couple of minutes. While the woman was on the phone, Daisy was rehearsing for a performance at the Paris Opera House. And while she was rehearsing, the woman, off the phone now, had gone outside to get a taxi. Now a taxi driver had dropped off a fare earlier and had stopped to get a cup of coffee. And all the while, Daisy was rehearsing. And this cab driver, who dropped off the earlier fare; who'd stopped to get the cup of coffee, had picked up the lady who was going to shopping, and had missed getting an earlier cab. The taxi had to stop for a man crossing the street, who had left for work five minutes later than he normally did, because he forgot to set off his alarm. While that man, late for work, was crossing the street, Daisy had finished rehearsing, and was taking a shower. And while Daisy was showering, the taxi was waiting outside a boutique for the woman to pick up a package, which hadn't been wrapped yet, because the girl who was supposed to wrap it had broken up with her boyfriend the night before, and forgot.

When the package was wrapped, the woman, who was back in the cab, was blocked by a delivery truck, all the while Daisy was getting dressed. The delivery truck pulled away and the taxi was able to move, while Daisy, the last to be dressed, waited for one of her friends, who had broken a shoelace. While the taxi was stopped, waiting for a traffic light, Daisy and her friend came out the back of the theater. And if only one thing had happened differently: if that shoelace hadn't broken; or that delivery truck had moved moments earlier; or that package had been wrapped and ready, because the girl hadn't broken up with her boyfriend; or that man had set his alarm and got up five minutes earlier; or that taxi driver hadn't stopped for a cup of coffee; or that woman had remembered her coat, and got into an earlier cab, Daisy and her friend would've crossed the street, and the taxi would've driven by. But life being what it is - a series of intersecting lives and incidents, out of anyone's control - that taxi did not go by, and that driver was momentarily distracted, and that taxi hit Daisy, and her leg was crushed. — Benjamin Button

Funny how one small thing done differently could change someones whole life. And how we are related in a way we don't even think is possible. The world really is small, ey?

Something random

2011-03-08T20:04:00.002+08:00

So... I've been listening to this song Katy Perry - ET ft Kanye West. It's a really nice song. I like it. I'm sorry, I don't know how to elaborate on how it placed into my likings. It's on repeat though, if that helps. Other than that, Katy Perry used the word Extraterrestrial. I dare you to say it. It just rolls off your tongue doesn't it? I like that word. Anyway, try listening to it. You'll get hooked yourself. Go on, I'll wait for you till you're done.

Did you listen to it? No? Well, go on then! I'll wait for you, promise -.-

Kay, I hope you listened to it already. So how'd you like it? You like it right? If you didn't the first time, give it a second go. If you didn't the second time, whatever, I'm not here to talk you into liking this song (honestly, this post is not asking you to like that song, I have other purpose, just stay chilled and continue reading if you please).

OK, before I tell you the purpose of this post. You heard the Katy Perry parts right? The tune and stuff. Well uh... Have you heard of this Russian band/ pop duo (whichever one it is) called t.A.T.u? No? OH MY GOD KILL YOURSELF. How can you not? OMG, I think they were the shits in um 2000? 2001? I don't know. Their first famous song was called All The Things She Said.

Anywayyyyy, doesn't Katy Perry's part give you the TATU vibe? To me it does (and this is the purpose of the whole post). It made me nostalgic of TATU. Like where the hell are they? Why are they not making songs?! Well apparently they're on a hiatus and is currently making a movie starring Mischa Barton in it, interesting.

If you just really don't have a clue who or what TATU is, here.

Yeah, that's what it is. I liked that song, still does. Don't they have a similar vibe though, now that you've heard both of it? No? Okay, I'm sorry.

Bitch, no 2.0

2011-03-05T19:20:00.006+08:00

Don't bother reading this if you're not a 90210 show audience.

Bitch no, say it isn't so. Ugh, things are as spicy as a jalapeño pepper by now and they opted to have a break on the show? By show I mean 90210. How many breaks can one show have per season? 2 that's how many. Maybe more later. OMG I'm so annoyed. Just continue it I want to see what happens OMG I'm going to stab a a table or something.

So, spoiler alert. I'm going to tell you what happened. So Silver is dating Navid, w/o anyone knowing. But Adrianna knows (she's Navid's exgf) because she has 2020 eye vision (I'm just gonna leave you dying out of curiosity here since I'm not gonna spoil every single detail). Before Adrianna knew the girl Navid cheated with was Silver, she vowed to torture the girl's life, witnessed by Naomi and Silver. Anyway, after she knew it was Silver, she purposely made a false assumption saying it was this other girl name Lila (who is also her friend), so she kept on saying how bad of a friend Lila is but in truth she was saying about Silver (she was saying it right to Silver's face). Then she wanted to start torturing Lila's life (Silver was by her side) by sending exposed picture of Lila to the whole student body. Silver can't handle it anymore and told her it was her who cheated. Of course, Adrianna knew before hand, she looked shocked at the confession but looked back to her phone not saying a word. (Through our perspective she looked like she was just going to send the exposed picture of Lila) She pressed send. When the camera was in the view of Silver's phone with the picture that Adrianna took and sent to the whole school, it was in fact, a picture of Silver exposed. Gasp? Yes, but not quite. Cause you kind of saw it coming.

Next is Annie, and her cousin Emily (the new puta). Like I said, Emily is a two-faced something something bitch. I forgot what my exact words were lol. So Emily stole alot of Annie's life. Annie's Broadway show, Annie's friend, Annie's style, Annie's... Whatever. She just needs one more of Annie's which is Liam. So one night, she (God knows how) got into Liam's house, trying to seduce him. No one believed Annie when she said Emily is a fake, but that night, Liam realized it. So they concocted a plan to expose her (but we're supposed to not know that yet but it was really spot on). So Liam and Annie had a huge row and called it quits. Loudly, so Emily could hear. So Emily and Liam went out on a date blah blah blah then Emily brought Liam into the house. That was where the plan started. Liam kept saying how she was more than meets the eye. He said Naomi, Silver and Adrianna didn't really like her, and that's when Emily poured out what her real thought of the three. Whilst she was bad mouthing the three, they walked into the living area (I think?) with the three and Annie waiting in the dark listening to what she has to say. After she's done, Annie turned the lamp on and TADA~ we gots you bitch now go kill yourself and that's when Annie and Liam told us and Emily that it was a set up.

What happens to Naomi? Well, she gots the hots for a nerd. But the nerd isn't reciprocating. So Naomi, being the typical Naomi that she is, kisses Max (the nerd), went bare in front of Max with only her bra and knickers but no, still no reciprocating going on. Then she tried thinking like nerd. She showed up to the premier of Avatar in a blue alien Avatar suit to impress Max. Max's friend started making fun of her, I mean I am a Naomi-biased but honestly the costume was awesome methinks except for the tail, ew. So Naomi blasted out of the place in anger of his friends making fun of her. Max came running after her, they made out and so it's the start of something magical. The end.

Yeap, that's about it. And now we have to fucking wait for April 18 to stumble upon us. That's like a month away please monsieur. Can't leave me hanging, can you? Right you can. You already are.

oh p/s, I have a bunch of draft lined up in my dashboard. Not really sure when or will I ever finish it and post it up. I mean, is there really anyone here reading my blog? No. I'm just doing this for the sake of me. So I'm just gonna take a very long time... Unless there is/ are reader(s) waiting on me? Is there? No. None. Nada.

U mad, Felicia? 2.0

2011-02-28T02:29:00.017+08:00

I don't know actually. I don't know what type of emotion I'm going through, or rather what emotion I can't seem to produce. I can't feel anything right now. They're just mixed up quite vigorously I can't pick out any one. They're trying to fight each other out of the emotion door but all that got out was this bluntness. So no, I'm not mad I'm blunt. Just blunt.

You know what, maybe not. Maybe I am a little bit mad. I suddenly can feel anger surging through my blood as I'm typing this. That second goal felt like someone just stole my life-saving from me. Let me depict this image for you dear beloved-loyal reader, I'm gonna need you to turn on your imagination in a wild manner here; Your life-savings are kept in a box. A burglar broke into your house. Your dog tried to bite the ass out of that burglaring-asshole. You on the other hand, went straight to the box to save it. Your dog seems to have given up on the ass and so came to find you, to protect you so it thought. But little did the dog knew, it lead the burglar to finding you, and the box that you're gripping on for your dear life. Remember, you're clutching the box tightly to your chest. Then the dog let out a blatant bark that caught you off guard letting you jump and falling right on your ass ergo making you let go of the box. Keep in mind, the box fell right in front of the burglar, with a few ringgit spilled out of it, but just near enough for the burglar to grab it altogether. Being given such a great luck, the burglar grabbed all the shits and ran off, saying "U mad, bitch?" whilst laughing obnoxiously. And then you... And your dog are left dumbfounded. Not knowing what to do. The event occurred left you stunned making you stare deeply into nothing and gobsmacked.

Could you comprehend that? Or maybe you need time for it to interpret to your brain? What I'm trying to say is that, that second goal was stupid. It should have never happened is what I'm saying. What Kos and Chesny or if referring to my wild story, the dog and it's owner just did something stupid. Especially, the dog which is Kos. If the dog didn't go to find it's owner, the owner's life-saving would've been saved or in other words, if Kos didn't perturb Chesny, that fucking ball wouldn't have ricochet out of Chesny's hand. How it ricochet, only God knows. Maybe he has a fucking trampoline hidden somewhere or something. I think that was the worst ally between those two. No, that was the only one.

Mind you, I've always thought, still does, and always will, think Kos is very talented. I never doubted his ability in defense. He throws his body in front of his opponent if he has to cause that's just how committed he is. It's only his first season in Arsenal, and look at how well he's adapting into Arsenal. I'm sure as hell would be sitting by the edge of my sit watching him develop into a distinguished world class Centre Back one day. So yes, today, particularly on that second goal incident, he was clumsy. I know, "he's only human" can't redeem back his mistake but we all know how good he is. And when it's a Final, so it be an insignificant Final like this Carling Cup that most Managers don't give two hoots about, there's no room for mistakes. But in all seriousness, he's put on too much pressure. The pressure of having to clean up people's mess making him too preoccupied of his own.

And Chesny, yeah he was struggling to stay afloat back then, now he's quite the numero uno in Arsenal. I'm not sure he's quite on par with Fabianski yet, he sure isn't on par with Lehmann. Or Ben Foster last night. Last night, Chesny was a wreck methinks. A few saves here and there, but most of the time, he had luck aka the pole. If it weren't for that dear pole, even before that cheap second goal when he and Kos collided, they would've already been up 2-1. While on the other side of the field, Nasri's power kick doesn't seem to faze that Foster guy. He was just right there, ready for any type of fire being thrown to him. If Chesny and Foster had to be compared, I'd just say we don't bother comparing. His MOTM trophy proved everything. He had more challenges, more balls striking into his face, so he had more important saves. Chesny just needs alot more experience and confidence. Not the type of confidence he has on his twitter, a real solid-hard-to-break-down confidence.

Do I make sense anymore? I'm sorry if I don't. I don't know what to say anymore and I'm still quite blunt about this. And that second goal incident is on replay in my head that it hurts. That and Jack crying is on replay in my head. NO. That, the Jack thing, and how the game ended with all of them looking like they're lost in this world with no purpose in life anymore. Seeing all of that, didn't help. I know how it feels to have my dreams crushed. I think everyone does. So everyone was empathic about it, I'm sure. I guess the reason why I'm so blunt right now is because I've felt this way so many times and I'm immune by it now. It still hurts in the chest and the gut but you've felt it so many times so you kind of got used to it.

One more thing, after that second goal incident, some motherfucking asshole shoved Kos's head. Yes, shoved... Or slap? Anyway, do you see how obnoxious and just plain rude that motherfucker is? Yeah, your team just scored a goal and is going to win the cup, but dude, shoving someone's head does not gain you any sort of respect. Especially when someone is already down. Just fuck you man. I'm appalled Kos didn't pick a fight with that wanker. Just thank God Kos had integrity, yeah? But I'm just really angry actually at this. You think you won something, you feel you're much superior all of a sudden? Bitch, if you want to celebrate, by all means, but shoving Kos's head is just... Ugh I can't, it just disgust me and it's unforgivable. I think that asshole would've been better off presented with an etiquette class voucher rather than a cup for him to drink his alcoholic drink making him even more obnoxious. So fucking rude, have manners! He's lucky I didn't catch who he was (some part of me felt it was that motherfucker named Ridgewell).

To conclude everything, I must say, all of us Goons, and the players, and Mr Arsene, we are still awesome and the best. Arsenal is still the best team. We just have to keep our chin up, refresh ourselves and let bygones be bygones. There are more upcoming challenges that needs us to be focused. We can't be vulnerable and let them salvage on it. This loss should be kept as our guidance rather than our nightmare. It's not even the end yet, not even near. So what doesn't kill us would only make us stronger. Victoria Concordia Crescit. Victory Through Harmony.

U mad, Felicia?

2011-02-25T04:17:00.003+08:00

I can't. This is too cruel. His first Final as a Captain. It might be their first trophy since 6 years. I've mentioned this already in the previous post. I've told you not to fuck me up anymore. Why do you have to be cruel to me? I don't know who you are, I don't know where you are, but you're fucking me up real hard. I'm gutted. It's not even funny. It was never funny OK?

I want him to Captain his soldiers in this war. I want him to lead his team. I want him to pry open Birmingham's walls of defense. I want him to flick up the ball in hopes of it being an assist to a goal. I want him to keep his team's blood pumping. I want him to wear that Captain armband this Sunday. When the final whistle is blown, I want him to lift the trophy up to cue the uproars of his teammates and all the Gooners at home and in the Wembley stadium as a sign of relief that the 6 year trophy drought has end. I just want him to lead his team in the finals for the first time as a captain.

But yeah, someone somewhere fucked me up again. And Mr. Arsene Wenger has spoken. Cesc will be out, so Cesc will be out. Congratulations someone somewhere, you won.

So, since Cesc is out, Robin will wear the Captain armband this Sunday (I guess? Who else could it be, he's the Vice Captain). Fuck ya'll, he's The Flying Dutchman ffs. You don't have that in any other team.

Yeah, so I don't know what else to say. I'm still gutted of course. I'll just bawl my eyes off now.

I'm here to kill 2 birds with 1 stone

2011-02-24T18:11:00.006+08:00

All the matters that I'm going to word out one by one is going to be really hard because I want to be in denial for awhile longer, I want not to be in agony because it hurts. So here goes.

First, SPM results are coming out soon. Very soon, actually. I don't know the exact date yet for I am living in a cave where I am protected from reality. I honestly don't know how to feel about it coming out soon. What I can say is I've been having sleepless nights after it was mentioned to me. I keep thinking I've messed up yet another exam. And that, makes me agonize in the middle of the night; tossed and turned like a maniac. Watching someone twist their ankle and break their leg doesn't soothe me down either. Fucking nightmare to have it be put on replay in your head.

Anyway, I knew I had to face reality sooner or later. What I didn't know was how heavy my shoulder would feel. (You don't know how long I paused and stared at the screen with a blank mind at this part) You know what, I just don't know what to say. I don't know what word to use to describe my feeling. What about scared? Yeah, I think scared is good. I'm scared. I'm scared to know the truth. I'm scared to know how bad I've done. I'm scared to face reality.

OMG I've just realized something. What if, the reason that I am scared right now is because the impact of what happened in the future was so bad it reverberated to the present ergo making me feel like this?! OMG does that mean I got a fucking ass-shit result? Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Fuck you Marshall. Fuck you so fucking bad Marshall. I want to kill Marshall right now. OMG why did you have to put that idea in me Marshall?! Fuck you omg fuck you so much.

Enough! I can't handle this anymore! It's costing my youth! Fuck you Marshall. Fuck you. No wonder I wasn't all that fond about you in HIMYM. Fuck you.

Moving on to number dos. (omg fuck you Marshall argh!) This is about my beloved Arsenal. They have a Carling Cup Final this weekend OK? This Sunday to be exact. It could be their first trophy since 6 years. It's about time the drought ends. They've worked so hard maturing each day and coming back stronger than ever this season, they totally deserve rain in the end of the day to wash the dirt off their hair.

Remember about someone somewhere? Yeah, someone was somewhere alright. He fucked us Gooners up again. He can't bare seeing us too happy about the win against Barcelona the other week so shim decided to take a couple of key players from us last night. Fucking bitch took Theo the sprinter and Fabregas the captain. Who the fuck does that? That's not sane. It's not. You don't go around taking people away OK?! That's just rude. Fuck you. You and Marshall. I think I've said this enough amount of times, but whoever you are someone, and where ever you are, I've had enough of you. You've driven up my last nerve to the wall.

You better make a miracle happen someone somewhere! I know Theo's definitely not fit for the final so I say fuck you but you better make him fit for Barcelona you bitch or you're going to need to prepare your death wish. And Cesc is only a doubt, so... Make it happen! Turn the fucking doubt to a positive yes for the final. It's his first final as a captain you old wanker! Have a heart will you? I just don't understand what's your problem with me. Like, what did I do to you? You know how distraught I was to see them having to leave the match by force? It hurts OK? It hurts in the chest, in the gut, in the throat. And it definitely left an impact in my mind cause I'm agonizing about it.

I hope not only did I kill 2 birds with 1 stone, I also killed someone somewhere with that 1 stone. Stop fucking me up, OK? I'm already unhappy and having sleepless nights as it is. You can't possibly make the matter worse. You just can't. It's cruel. And rude.

Bitch, no

2011-02-19T03:28:00.002+08:00

There's another bitch in town. In 90210, at least. She's such a manipulative-fake-two-faced-wretched bitch. I just want to kill her and stab her multiple times. That'll teach her to manipulate people. I fucking loathe these kinds of people it despises me. I just wanna go all Italian on them, and spit on them. Vaffanculo, puttana. Yeah I went Italian (thanks Google Translate).

Anyway, this bitch is called Emily. Emily is such a nice name to be wasted on her. She's brings disgrace to the other Emily-named people. And yeah, I know her name is not really Emily and she is not really puttana cause she's just acting since 90210 is just a TV show. But, nevertheless, I still loathe that type of behaviour OK?

Oh let me please get into detail with this Emily character. She is cousins with Annie. HAH. The other bitch that I don't like. But I don't know, she's kinda OK-ish right now. Not that fond with her as I am with Naomi though. By her, Annie, I mean.

Speaking of Naomi, she's got the hots for a nerd. Does this mean no more Oscar? Gasp. But whatever. If only Aaron Tveit played the role of that nerd. Le sigh. Oh and Annie, of course, is with Liam. And Adrianna just got dump by Navid and shits are piling up on her. You know what? I'm getting too deep. Just watch it yourself.

I am not the mean guy here

2011-02-18T18:30:00.004+08:00

After declining my money, my confidence and hope definitely plummeted. I just became sad and angry. I have so much anger kept in me just in this few days. Thankfully I know how to control it, I know how to stuff it really neatly in a bottle and screw the bottle really tight so none would escape and throw tantrums.

Then after a few hours you come up here, giving me your credit card, telling me or more like scolding me in a soft way, you're just making me look like I'm the mean guy here. Like I'm the one inconsiderate, heartless gold-digger

After being scolded like that and feeling like a mean-ass gold-digger, you think I'd feel good typing in the details? And you warning me awas, doesn't help either. I can't comprehend you. You're giving me mixed signs. First, you scolding me, then you're giving me the green light to use it, then you said awas; yeah, I should be wary but giving me a guilt-trip and a reason to be scared for my life in the future does not help me.

I am not the bad guy in this story. I'm not implying that you are either. I don't know anymore.

All you need is a little push; nope, even a shove won't work

2011-02-18T17:19:00.007+08:00

I have been looking up the prices for an Arsenal jersey on here. Yes, they are quite pricey (fuck our sad currency rate).

But you know, I love Arsenal, and I want a token of symbolization for my love. You know, not something drastic like a tattoo or anything. Just a little souvenir, a shirt is enough. An authentic replica shirt all they way from North London. With a player's name and number at the back who quietly made me into watching football. So that I could officially call myself a Gooner.

So, a few weeks ago, I told mom, I want an Arsenal shirt. Told her the price and stuff. She told dad, dad said too expensive (typical cheap dad. But I'm trying not to dwell into a rampage, cause it's not the kind of post, so let's move on). It happened like a few nights ago btw, the "too cheap" comment. So, I got angry and I didn't do any proper verbal encounter with any of them after that. All I did was tried not to show my anger, I was rather polite; I didn't slam anything, I didn't ignore them completely. But I try to avoid them as much to show them how I am still quite angry and that they are going to pay for it in the future (pay as in I'm going to retaliate or something, I don't know how, but I will; in the future).

Last night was Arsenal v Barcelona (I say last night because this post is scheduled, meaning I typed it a day early. And I scheduled it because I wouldn't want to overwhelm you readers, while I'm acknowledging the existence of my readers, I would like to say thanks for reading my posts and tolerating with my inconsistency in posting), I was supporting them like I've never supported them ever before, OK, remember the Arsenal v Newcastle a couple of weeks ago or so, yeah a hectic game I know, I had tears welling in my eyes, I wanted to stab someone, I wanted to kill someone, I wanted to break things, and I wanted to give a comforting hug to the boys, I mean yeah they screwed the fuck up that match, but they are still my boys I was still supporting them. I believed in them. And last night, they were down by just a goal, we have seen Arsenal come back from the underground, remember the match with Everton? Hello? They, too, were down by a goal against Everton. But I know, Barcelona are no Everton. They are one of the top teams around the world (I don't think so cause I'm a Gooner and I'm just biased like that). But Arsenal are capable. They just have to believe and be vigorous. And TADAH, they did it last night. 2 beautiful goals was completed at the quarter end of the match.

I was alone last night. I drank two tins of coke. My fingers were crossed, they're always crossed when I'm watching Arsenal's match (a habit methinks) When that superb goal at that kind of angle at that kind of space from Robin happened I was just dumbstruck for a whole minute there; not knowing what to do, not knowing how to react. Then tears welled in my eyes, I squirmed and that hug Robin gave to Mr. Arsene didn't help me either. I was quite settled with that score actually. Then. Arshavin, you Russian Prince. Thank you. So much! I was well off jumping up and down, going into a frenzy all by myself. It was almost surreal. I texted Kenaidy, who was a Gooner for a night, "IS THIS REAL LIFE", instantly called me and we both squirmed in the phone, a squirm that no words can describe how happy we were. Oh Godddd what have I been going on about? hahaha I get carried away so easy, ey? So where was I?

OK, got it, what I'm trying to say is, I love Arsenal. Immensely. And because I love Arsenal, anything is worth it. If dad who's working thinks the shirt is too expensive, then I who's unemployed, too, should think it's expensive. But because I love Arsenal, and anything is worth it, and so I could have a token to symbolize my love for it, I will cough up my own cash to have it. With much thorough consideration, of course. And I came to a decision, and I did cough up the cash. So I gave it to dad, the whole thing, even the cents. There is no other reason why he can't give me his credit card now right? Cause I'm the one paying it, not him. I'm just borrowing his card to get it purchased.

But life is real, I'm not living in a dreamland, I'm not in some fantasy world where everything is happy and perfect. And dad is dad. Making the lamest excuses of all the lamest excuses available. Mom said not that he doesn't want to buy the shirt, he just doesn't want to buy it using a credit card, if it's cash his fine with it. Dude, which izit really, too expensive or not wanting to use credit card? When making a lame excuse could you at least be consistent? Anyway, he gave back the money. No credit card. No token to symbolize my love for Arsenal. C'est la vie, yeah? Shallow ol' me thinking I could have things working out the way I wanted it for once. Even when I'm quite in control. But nope, it won't. En effet, c'est la vie.

Sooooooooooo

2011-02-17T19:51:00.006+08:00

Just because I haven't been posting anything doesn't mean I didn't come here making abundance of unfinished posts OK? Cause I did. Hopefully this post would finish.

So, I've finished 2 books in a month an a half. 2 books, in a month an a half. That is not good. That's slow. That's lazy. That's like a car-crash to me. I mean, only 2 books in a month and a half. When I was still in school, in a month itself I would be reading maybe 3-4 books OK? Honestly. I'm not showing off or exaggerating.

My soul is dead isn't it? And my passion is still roaming around in Europe. Fuck all of them. They can't leave me here in this shit hole. How dare they betray me like this. Passion, you better bring me back a souvenir from all those places in Europe you going! When I say souvenir, I mean the real deal. Hot-sexy-lusty-passionate European MEN! You better, bitch or I'm letting you die next just like my soul.

Oh God... It's official. I'm crazy. I have gone crazy. I'm fighting with my non-conversant passion. I'm crazy.

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy on a brighter note, Arsenal won 2-1 against Barcelona in the 1st leg of the Last 16 of CL. Hehehehehehe such an energy-mood booster, I swear. But can't get too complacent though, it's only the 1st leg and you know there's always someone somewhere hating complacent ol' me. You haters. Please, to the left kay?

There's more to come too. Carling Cup Final first of all. Oh Godddddddd so excitedddddddddd.

And, btw, I'm starting on my third book now. Linda Green-Things I wish I'd Known. The 2 books that I've finished was Curtis Sittenfield-Prep and Sophie Kinsella-Mini-Shopaholic. Both are good reads, swear.

Prep was about this girl name Lee trying to adapt in a new ambiance, no, not adapting more so like observing. Always too vigilant about her surroundings. Sometimes it's good she always thinks before she acts, but sometimes she should just be a little impulsive. I mean, sometimes, the best things happen when you least expect it, y'know what I mean. At first, I felt like slapping this Lee girl knocking some sense in her or something, but after pages and pages turned, she just... Grows on you. She's just a teenage girl who's self-conscious, I mean what teenage girl isn't, though not vigorously like how Lee is. And about Lee's crush, a part of me was hoping for a happy ending, but then again, Lee is so close to a real person, and for her to have a happy ending so easily would just contradict it; so I think, good, it's not just another typical chick-lit, it's more mature, more real. Anyway, I don't really want to describe too much of this book because I'll be rambling gibberish, so read it yourself is what I would say. And be patient about it.

Mini-Shopaholic on the other hand is just precious. After the book finished, I wished it didn't finish. I hope it didn't cause according to Luke, they're going to LA. I just... Oh you gotta read it! if you've kept up with all the Shopaholic Series, Mini-Shopaholic is must-have in your stash! I'm not gonna get into it too deeply like how I did with Prep up there. I got carried away and to erase the whole thing and to replace it with some superficial comments would be a waste. So, anyway, yeah. (Cue in superficial comments) The book was good, I loved it. I swear though, I loved it. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed another one from Sophie Kinsella. my life depends on it. I never want Sophie Kinsella to ever be done with Becky. NEVER. EVER. Anyway, read it, bitches!

oh my god i might just yield into twitter

2011-02-11T21:54:00.004+08:00

because apparently i love arsenal and a number of arsenal players are on it and giving away free awesome shits and i can't handle it i want to participate in getting those free awesome shits like they give away autographed jersey i mean like wow right i need that arsenal players are just so precious i swear their banter on twitter are just so so precious they can't be real they just can't cause with twitter somehow you feel like you're getting closer to these people that you think quite highly of oh my god i can't succumb to these crazy ass sites i just can't i told myself i won't but my will power isn't strong enough omg i'm like so excited i'm blabbing and not even bloody bothered that i don't show my enthusiasm here because obviously i'm so enthusiastic i'm typing really fast and just not really bothered to press the dot button or the exclamation button or the caps lock button or the shift button to make this post a much enthusiastic comprehensible post i mean why would anyone bother when they're too excited like they could jump off a building and instead of smashing flat onto the surface you're flying cause you're just that awesome omg what the fuck am i saying i'm like seething here i mean who cares about proper grammar and correct spellings when you're super super ecstatic hahaha omg i need to have twitter omg omg omg omg i think i will but not right now because i don't have the proper phone to do so omg omg omg wth mannnnnnnnn did you know fabregas just twitted if he get's 500k followers on twitter he's going to give away 2 free tickets i mean i know even if i did win those free tickets how am i to go to london like wtf hahahahahahaha omg i'm delirious now cesc you sexy spanish beast omg no i can't no omg i can't yield into twitter it'll just show how weak i am omg wtf no

I could stare at this for-EVAH

2011-02-11T19:49:00.000+08:00

Oh God

2011-02-10T21:02:00.004+08:00

I've been coming here and typing things out. Most of it aren't even personal or that hard to type out. I think my soul is dead. I can't bring myself to write anymore. So many times I come here with a great topic, but to no avail in finishing it. And I'm not even bothered. But not anymore, sir! I can't be oblivious anymore! I'm not posting anything, I shall be bothered!

Why aren't you writing as often as you used to bitch?!

Puta por favor.

Where is your passion?!

Bitch, your passion is roaming around in Europe having a great odyssey and the time of it's life, meeting strange foreign people, learning foreign languages, making sweet love with beautiful foreign men, having sweet-foreign-language-nothings whispered into it's ear and writing all of it down in a book or whatever gracefully with beautiful sentences that even it can't believe it can manage...

Hablas ingles?

...

OK, shh! Crazy ass conscious. They should be more discreet about what my epitome of a perfect life is (omg I should totally write a post about how I picture a perfect life for me is (and I totally won't (le sigh) because I'm a lazy ass bitch) cause I have so much time in my hand)

Anyway, I've been reading Sophie Kinsella's Mini Shopaholic. OMG that book is just A++++++++ and Becky Bloomwood is a triple star. If Becky Bloomwood was real, we would hitch it off real well, I believe so.

I hope there's going to be another series. No! I hope the book never ends! MAHAHAHAHAHAHA I hope they make another movie out of it too. But I doubt it. Le sigh.

Well Bitch,

2011-01-25T23:09:00.003+08:00

Maybe the real fact is that I'm dying, yeah? That's why my hair is falling here and there. I'm sure you'd love that.

Like, wtf? I don't see scolding at me because my hair is falling like plants in the summer in any way as necessary. If shouting resolves anything, sure why not, go right ahead. I'd love to see that happening.

When it can't be helped, what the fuck am I suppose to do about it? Shouting at me for my hair falling all the time is like shouting at a lamp. You'll just look like an idiot, not that you don't already. I know you're angry because you wasted your precious money on my head when you could've wasted it in buying handbags and buying things for your precious sons.

I should've known, this is what I get for being around the house to much. Bitch can't take it looking at me every second of her life. I can't take it either. Every single day I look at you, I see promises made being broken.

January is almost over now and you're still beating around the bush like I didn't ask you for anything. When I bring it up, you keep quiet like as if no one said anything. Same goes when I have my own fucking opinion. Very ignorant, I'm just getting ready to vomit. And if I shout at you, I'm rude. Wtf.

Oh I've had enough of this. It's going to be the same emo post like the one before. I don't have time to express my feelings to anyone. Specially to a blog where nothing can be done about it.

I am totally in denial.

2011-01-21T19:42:00.003+08:00

I'm on the verge of finishing my 4th season of Skins. 4th season has about 8 episode and I'm on my 5th one right now. It's all loaded and ready to go. All I need to do is press the play button.

This is going to sound stupid because it's just a show ffs and I shouldn't get all worked up because of a show. But I am! I am getting all worked up because of a show.

This is mainly because after I'm done with this season, there's not gonna be anymore familiar faces. There's not gonna be anymore scatty Effy. Or solemn Freddie, or the obnoxious Cook or the introverted JJ, the bitchy Katie, the lesbo couple Emily and Naomi.

I already had to lose my smart-douche Tony, pretty girl Michelle, shy Sid, happy-go-lucky Chris, musical Jal, Muslim Anwar, anorexic Cassie, gay Maxxie.

I don't think I can handle to lose another group of British-sexual-arousing teens. Oh good God, what has happened to me.

I'm still contemplating on whether to watch the episode now or later. I'm contemplating really hard. A part of me is so curious to wanting to know what's going to happen it can't be helped, and the other part is saying save it for later.

MY LIFE IS SO FUCKED. Why can't I have better things to do? This is totally a low point for me.

Season 5 is coming next. I don't know what to say about it. It doesn't look as good as the first two seasons. It should be able to live up to the first two seasons though, cause if not, I'm gon' be mad.

It's about time, ey?

2011-01-20T19:11:00.003+08:00

I downloaded Google Chrome the other day. And not a single moment I've regretted it. I used Firefox before this. And I hate it. Sometimes if I open a page or a video from youtube, there it goes on and saying some shit like how they've encountered some problem. Wtf is that? How do you expect me to have a good solitary time on the Internet if you keep doing that?! But when I used Google Chrome, God bless the creator, my streaming goes on smoothly. And I love that.

I love Google Chrome. I love how when you press the new tab thing, and then this turns up:

RIGHT?! How an you not love that?! OMG. I love that! I really do.

But then again, I'd even love a hobo if s/he was to give me a marshall right now. A marshall fresh from Famous Amos. The kinds that are all twisted and colourful, yeah those kinds. When I say marshal with the first letter not capitalized, I mean marshmallows. You know... these kinds:

Speaking of food. I've been having a weird midnight cravings for things. Last night it was Nasi Lemak and Mee Jawa. OMG.

So anyway, Arsenal won last night... Life's awesome.

I'm sorry I don't have anything going on in my life to talk about ok?! Sheesh. It seems like I can't be bothered to do anything anymore. but I'm not gonna talk about that here, cause then I won't have anything to blog. So... yeah, next post, hopefully, is going to be about how I'm can't be bothered about anything anymore. KTHXBAI.

Ignorant.

2011-01-15T15:32:00.003+08:00

One song that can totally explain my feelings right now is Sara Bareilles - King of Anything. I just need it to sound alot angrier. Then it will complete my feelings atm.

Last night, I asked that bitch to go buy ingredients to make cookies. Bitch didn't even make any sound in response so I'd take that she knows what cookie it is and she's approving it. So we left it at that.

I was so excited today like a fucking bird being freed from the cage... Until the bird finally got out and got shot from some fucking heartless asshole with a fucking bird gun. In this case, the fucking heartless asshole is the aforementioned bitch, fucking bird gun; her ignorance, fucking bird; me.

So I went down just a few minutes ago, asked bitch did she buy the ingredients. I asked in an acceptable tone of voice and manner.

I said, so did you buy the things to make cookies? (acceptable tone of voice and manner)

Bitch said, what thing?! (in a bitch tone)

Things to make the cookies, said I (starting to get on my nerves)

What are the things?, said bitch.

Where's the paper for us to make it? (the recipe)

What cookies?! (fucking bitch tone), said bitch.

I just stormed out of the place and went upstairs and started typing these out. I'm pissed, what do you expect? I can't shout in the real world, might as well shout in here.

WTF did she meant by "what cookies"? What other cookie recipes are there that I've made with her?! There's only one. One fucking particular cookie. One soft fucking cookie. One fucking soft cookie. One fucking soft chocolate chip cookie that I've been craving since God knows how long.

And you, bitch, go around saying "what cookie"... IS JUST UNACCEPTABLE. WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME LAST NIGHT?! WHY DID YOU NOT RESPONSE TO ME, BITCH!

AND ONE MORE THING BITCH, YOU ARE BY FAR THE MOST HYPOCRITICAL BITCH I'VE EVER KNOWN. WHEN I DON'T RESPONSE TO WHAT THE EVER FUCK YOU'RE SAYING, YOU'LL START YOUR BITCH ON ME. WHEN I ANSWER YOU IN A TONE THAT YOU DON'T LIKE, YOU GET YOUR BITCH ON ME. YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE.

AND YOU'RE A FUCKING BIASED ASSHOLE. YOU FAVOUR YOUR PRECIOUS SONS BETTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE. WHEN I ASKED YOU TO MAKE SOMETHING, YOU GO AROUND GIVING EXCUSES AND NOT DOING IT. WHEN ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BOY ASKS YOU TO DO THE SAME THING THAT I ASKED YOU TO DO, YOU JUMP TO THE CHANCE AND DO IT THE NEXT DAY WITH GREAT PLEASURE. YOU FUCKING BIASED HYPOCRITICAL BITCH.

I ASKED YOU TO BUY ONE SMALL THING SINCE EVEN BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY, HOPING THAT YOU'D REMEMBER IT AND MAYBE MAKE IT AS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT, UNTIL THIS VERY DAY, I DON'T SEE IT COMING TO ME, I DON'T SEE YOU AND YOUR ASSHOLE TO EVEN BUDGE ON GETTING IT FOR ME. IT'S ONLY A 100+, HOW CAN YOU BE FUCKING CHEAP ON YOUR OWN DAUGHTER?! I SEE ASSHOLE THERE BUYING HIS GOLF CLUBS HERE AND THERE LIKE THEY'RE SOME FUCKING LOLLIPOP. OH AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BOY. WHEN HE ASKS YOU TO BUY A FUCKING SHELF. "OH WOW WITH GREAT PLEASURE I'LL BUY IT FOR YOU YEAH? CAUSE I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH." YOU FUCKING CHEAP BIASED HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE AND BITCH.

Just... Don't. Bitch.

Someone somewhere can't live seeing me happy...

2011-01-13T17:23:00.006+08:00

Or just even a tiny bit content with my life. That is why things happen to me. If it's not God, it must be the Astro people. Or just my parents, I don't know. Or the Illuminati. GASP. No.

OK, here's the story. Arsenal didn't get the lead to bring back home to the Emirates last night, so it's a total upset. Then I woke up by force because I was heated up due to no air conditioner because there was no electricity for a minute (I guess). But it was already 15.39 the time I woke up to turn it back on, so I had no other choice but to just wake up.

What does that gotta do with someone not wanting to see me content with my life? Well, I'm upset that Arsenal didn't get the leading score, I hate being forced to do things, especially waking up. Therefore, that makes me not happy or even a tiny bit content.

Then I went into to the kitchen to hunt for food, before today, I would be starved to annoyance, but today... I won't. Apparently mom did a little grocery shopping. So, I was a little complacent.

But like I said, someone somewhere can't stand seeing me smug, they tend to take away something else. So they took... My Astro Channels. We bloody paid the bills ffs! I mean my dad did. Assholes.

So technically, if you put my life in Sims terminology, my mood meter is riding a roller coaster. And the highest peak of the roller coaster is just a mere meter to even be considered as the highest peak.

Whoever you are someone, you just mad me one unhappy camper.

Very interesting.

2011-01-12T19:26:00.003+08:00

So I woke up early today. It was by force actually. I couldn't sleep properly. I think I have insomnia or something. Sigh life.

Last night, after coming back from Parkson, I watched some TV at home until 2.30-ish? After that I went straight to bed. I can't sleep. I was tossing and turning myself, I was still wide awake! So, I listened to my iPod, maybe it would work because usually it would. NO! It always works. Really. So thennnnnn, I started reading my driving-test-book thing because I always get sleepy when reading it. I did get sleepy, but to no avail, I was definitely screwed. I was supposed to wake up early that morning, at 9-ish. Then I don't know what happened, I guess I must've fell asleep. Then vibrate, right, thanks Kenaidy, really. Said he's going at 9 then text at 7, wth man! -.- So then I tried to continue sleeping until it's 9, and again, to no avail. FML So I just stayed awake that whole 2 hour.

So what I'm trying to say here is that... I can't sleep unless it's past 4. Yeap. My time is all messed up already. I don't believe I tweaked anything though. Or you know... I just have insomnia? But then again, if it's past 4, I would sleep like... Let's just say, if war was happening right outside my house... OK maybe not right outside, maybe just outside, outside somewhere in Miri, I wouldn't even know.

So I guessssssssssss, lucky me Arsenal's playing tonight against Ipswich and it's going to finish around 6. So, yay?

Wishful thinking.

2011-01-10T21:42:00.004+08:00

So. I had a conversation with my mom when I was doing my dishes (Yes, I did my dishes). She told me that she just bought a new battery for my old phone. My first ever phone.

I impulsively told her (whilst doing my dishes) I want a new phone.

And then she's like, no, it's for your old phone.

And I was like (not impulsive anymore), No, I want a new phone.

Then she was like, what about your phone at your teacher?

And I was like, IF the phone is even with her.

And she was like, that's why you should go and check first. If it's not with her, then we'll buy a new phone.

And I was like... *poker face ON* and continued washing my dishes.

So I went back upstairs, not delaying any chance to google BB phones. Although I know, what makes me think I'm going to get a 2k+ priced phone, even more so after I lost my last phone -.- But how can you resist? Besides, I've always wanted a BB since... FOR-EVAH (2008, I think?)

So, even though I know there's not a chance at all I'm going to get one, but just look at it. How beautiful it is *shiny glimmering eyes*

BB Curve Gemini 8520 Purdy izit not?
BB Bold 9780 Why you so pretty?

Yeah, OK. That's all. KTHXBAI.

My OCD is kicking in.

2011-01-08T04:36:00.003+08:00

It's not here permanently cause I'm not a total neat freak. Though I've been told by my friends I am O.o I don't know...

Anyway, I've been cleaning things nowadays without being told. I'm even freaking myself out, I swear. I swept the floor in the computer room yesterday w/o being told just cause I can't stand the hairs on the floor. BTW, they're my hair; I think I'm dying or something cause my hair's been falling.

The night before, after the Arsenal V ManC match (which was a 0-0 draw wtf), I cleaned the dishes. At 5.30AM. that's just... OCD. Hahaha And when I see a water ring, I just grabbed a tissue and wiped it off. But then again, who won't right? I can't stand having to put my arm randomly on a table and then suddenly there's some wetness there. Ew, hello?

Then these past few days, I've been organizing my folders in the computer. My folders are so messed up I don't even know where to start -.- But I did. Start already, I mean.

I can't really say it's OCD though, I'm not OCD. ADHD, maybe, but nahh I don't think so; but OCD, nahh. I think it's cause I just have nothing better to do.

Anyways, it's 4.47AM now, I gotta start sleeping early again. You know, like 10? 11? 12? Not 4 in the morning of course. Okay, good night.

You know what.

2011-01-06T16:54:00.003+08:00

Scratch Skins. Okay maybe not scratch Skins entirely (and I don't literally mean scratch your skin; I meant scratch skins as in cross over Skins the TV series). I'm still gonna watch it intermittently I guess?

Pretty Little Liars is looking really good right now

And... It's only at it's first season still meanwhile Skins is getting ready for their 5th season. I can't catch up with that. It's too far. Plus, I'm watching it on a website with a limited time of 72 minutes per viewing. After 72 is up you have to wait 30 minutes for a new viewing. You tell me how the hell am I gonna be able to catch up to 5th season with that kind of stupid rule(Of course not with that attitude Missay)

And of course sometimes the Internet line is all fucked up making it load so slow. I'm a very determined person when it comes to something of my interest. So every time when I fall down of course I would get my self back up and steady my self. But with the Internet giving you shitty coverage it's like having someone push you down every time you try to get back up. That's crazy. Might as well back up a little bit then get up, no?

So there.

You make English sound so... English.

2011-01-05T17:21:00.005+08:00

I so don't have a life right now. Guess what I'm doing to fill up my sad life? I is watching dramas on the Internet. It's better than nothing right?

I first started off watching a Korean Drama called Marry me, Mary or Marry Stayed Out All Night

I haven't finish it yet, almost though. I'm quite determined to finish it. Anyway,There's something about Korean drama that they just have to have a love triangle. It's really pissing me off. I tend to pity the third party. That's why I'm not really up for Korean Drama; especially the ones that exceed further more than 16 episode. I draw my line at only 16 episode. Really. 16 is already to much for me. Right now I'm having a little break from that drama...

Cause 90210 has been calling me to watch it. It's so tempting y'know? So yeah, I went on to watch it online. But it's on a break right now. I'm on my last episode already. But wait til the break is over... Hahahaha

Last time... In the second season, I was so not happy with the fact that Liam likes Annie rightttttt. Well, I don't care anymore. He can have that lying-two-faced-bitch all he wants cause Naomi looks like she's going to be with a hot-British-accent guy name Oliver. YAY! hahahaha And and... I like Navid with Adrianna but I don't know... Navid and Silver kinda looks nice together. I think I'm fine with that :D and Teddy getting out of the closet... Wow.

Anyway, after I'm done with that episode, I'm moving over to a British drama :D Skins. have always wanted to watch it since... 2008 but never got around to doing so. Since I'm so... Free now, why not eh?

OK. I is off.

Haters be hatin'.

2010-12-30T15:17:00.005+08:00

I HAVE NO LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :( I am so bored; my daily routine after I've finished schooling has been the same mundane routine. Wait no, not mundane, it makes my life sounds overrated. And calling my life excited nowadays would make me sound in denial. Okay, I think I have 2 words to describe my current life, Ho-hum; my daily routine post-SPM is a ho-hum, Blasé; I'm blasé with my life. Sometimes I feel like trudging myself through the day.

But you know what; I think my life isn't entirely at fault here. I think staying in this house is thwarting my joviality. This house is killing my productivity by making me do lame routines; Sleep late, wake up late, stay up late, EVERYTHING IS LATE! Then, in front of the computer 24/7... HELL this is not acceptable.

Last I did something fun was... On Christmas! OMG that was like... 5 days ago wtf. We went playing pool at this place called "Happy". The ambiance of the place was literally contradicting with its name (if you know what I mean). Until I shot/ scored/ goaled? What’s the term used in pooling for scoring? Shot only lah, I don't care. Yeah, until I shot my first ball in the hole. I was jumping up and down squealing, I was happy ok?! Don't judge, it was my first time. I livened up the place a little bit, if you don't mind me saying. hahahaha

And you know, before we went to Happy, we went to David's. This place is more... full of people. There were a few familiar faces there. Anyway, not the point. David's; the place was smoky, but weirdly enough there was no single soul smoking, it annoys me actually. hahahahahahahah Like, if there were actually someone smoking there, at least I could verify it. But no, there was no one smoking. Asked Kenaidy about it, he said something about the smoke was collected form days before. That's just... Ew. At Happy, the place was... less smoky but there was someone smoking there. Weird.

ANYWAYSSSSSSSSS, lazed in Coffee Bean a few days ago with Aleen. It was boring there too. But y'know, being bored in Coffee Bean and with a couple of friends is definitely better than being bored alone at home.

Kay that's all. Bye.

P.s, I'm still thinking about doing or not doing the 2010 recap since The New Year is just really around the corner. I'm still biased on the not doing; I'm super lazy. And also because I'm in denial of the fact that the year is ending.

Nostalgia.

2010-12-23T19:58:00.003+08:00

So I was browsing through a collection of my pictures. There were alot of "boy" comments. You know like; "Boy, do I know how to...", "Boy, was I...". Yeah, those. And boy do I know how to hog a camera. hahaha And boy was I bored. And boy was I sitting for SPM.

But one boy comment that was soooooooo not amusing in anyway but making me nostalgic was; boy, do I miss that phone. HELL. I stumbled upon a picture of me holding that phone. Boy was it all white and all pretty looking :( I miss it.

I saw that pic and a sense of nostalgia hit me. Hard. Not to the point where it made me cry though, cause I didn't.

Anyways, mama needs to file her nail to a perfect shape. Kay, bye :)

In denial.

2010-12-21T15:35:00.006+08:00

Before there was Facebook, Friendster was all the hype people can't stop talking about. I wasn't up to date with all these online social networking things before because I simply have a phone to use to call up anyone at anytime I feel like.

But in the end, I made one. Friendster, Facebook, Myspace etc they're all so called to stay in contact with friends ey? I say ney. They’re for suckers who can't build up the courage to say Hi to people in real life, or just mainly for stalking. I'm not denying the fact I don't those though, because I do, shamelessly. After Friendster died, Facebook was the big deal. I was hesitant to make one, I swear.

When Friendster died, I spend most my time blogging. I'd chose blogging anytime over social networking. I told myself, I'm never going to make facebook or another blog. I succumbed to it and did one in the end, facebook I mean. My blog has been forever the same.

Anyway, this post is not about social networking or blog (although I love blogspot). It's about me having a Tumblr. Yes, I have a Tumblr. How the hell did I end up with a Tumblr page? I don't know. I stumbled upon this particular page one year ago. I like football, I like Arsenal FC, I like Spain FC; she had all those pictures. It just intrigued me. I kept coming each week to check on updates. Then one fine night; last night at 2-ish, I made one and followed her and reblogged like mad.

So there, I refused to be succumbed to Tumblr before; I told myself I was just going to check for updates, that's all. But I yield in. I'm weak! I'm such a disgrace to John Mitchell sigh. I'm sorry, John :(

One thing I promise I won't ever ever ever succumb to is Twitter. I can promise you that. Unless you know... I'm not in Miri anymore and suddenly I made a twitter, then it's ok. But like I said, unless I'm in Miri and I did it, you can... You know... Point it out. hahahahah

Anyway, if my sublime message/links/coloured-words telling you I have a Tumblr didn't work, let's make it more conspicuous yeah?

http://feliciawantsapples.tumblr.com/

P.s; don't worry, I'm capable of multi-tasking (just sometimes I chose not to ) so, there still will be updates on this blog :)

Hissy Fit.

2010-12-20T20:52:00.004+08:00

I went to school today. In the hopes of getting my lost phone from the Principal. My friends who went on a search for my phone told me it's with her; but I have to write a letter and bring the receipt. I didn't and just went to school.

I went there, asking her if she got any lost phone because I lost mine recently (described fully of course). She asked me izit my phone. How was I supposed to know, she didn't show me the phone? So I said, I think so. Then she asked me did I send the boys to look for my phone. I didn't send them anywhere, they were bored so they killed time and tried to look for my phone. So there, I asked her again, is my phone with you? She said the most confusing thing ever. I. ~~Don't~~ Donch. Know.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???????????? How can you not know?! It's a simple yes or no question. If it's with you, say yes; if not, then no. What's so "I don't know" about it? If I'm going to write a bloody random letter that I don't even know what to write about and then at the end of the day when I give it to you, it turns out you don't have my phone, like... Who does that? That's just wrong. That's just crazy. I don't even know what kind of hell I should be writing in the letter. Should I write a story? I'm really good at that and it's been awhile since I wrote one so...

Oh, and the hell doesn't end there. I walked in that school today, thinking OK, see her about phone and leave immediately, I ended up having to redo the testimonials again. Another whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? moment. I was so pissed. I told myself a few weeks ago when I've done all the testimonials I would never touch or see it ever again because it will just bring back pain and sufferings. Now you're telling me I have to redo everything? IT'S THE FUCKING HOLIDAYS FOR FUCKS SAKE. And I'm no longer a bloody Stco student so could you just... not? DIOS MIO!

Shellshocked.

2010-12-19T21:18:00.010+08:00

LOOK!!!

Never ever would I thought he, Cesc Fabregas captain of Arsenal and Player of 2010 World Cup winner Spain, would watch an Asian football match. Not that I'm implying that Asian football is not good just... You know... Isn't there another league somewhere to watch? Like The Bundesliga maybe? La Liga? Again, not trying to imply aforementioned subject. I'm just super shocked. Apparently quite touched, too, that someone as big as him is watching Asian football even if it's just to pass off his boredom.

If I was bored, I would be on the computer playing The Sims, watch TV, sleep or catch up on my reading, just sayin'. It's just really shocking man! God. I'm literally blown out of my mind flabbergasted gobsmacked dumbfounded astonished etc.

Anyways, I'm bored. So I'm off doing one of those things to occupy my sad unproductive life fml.

UPDATE!!!

LOOK!!!

He stuck throughout it! Amazing. It really is *glistening mesmerized eyes* So... Congratulations to the Indonesian Football Team they're through the finals and meeting Malaysia there.

How do I know this? My friend told me. By that, I, too was shocked. Never did I thought my friend was watching Asian football, not patronizing anything or anyone.

Anyway, kthxbye.

Damn.

2010-12-16T22:38:00.004+08:00

The last post was my 300th post. I should have not posted something emo. But who cares. They're just posts. Anywhooooo, ever since I'm done with high school I've been the definition of a couch potato. I'm such a sad excuse for a lively teenager. Sigh.

But my time spent lying on the couch watching tv has never been so... relieving? Because... I got to "find" myself. Just a tinsy bit though. Hahahaha and it didn't even cost me anything. I didn't have to do any big impulsive gesture like leave the country and experience the world just to find myself. I don't think it's a bad idea though; I want to leave the country and see the world and become an expat. Heck, that's all I want to ever do. Travel the world! Boy would I have tons of stories to tell people about; maybe I'll even write an awesome book and name it The Odyssey of a Couch Potato.

So guess what I found out about myself? I found out that I, the future expat, is head over heels for British everything. The place is just super gorgeous. Can I introduce you to a bunch of awesome pages? Yes, yes, yes! YES! Dios mio, how can you resist not falling in love? I mean, yeah gotta give credits to the photography cause it looks amazing but I'm sure it's still gorgeous in real life. Just look at those enchanting castles! So... Dios, I'm speechless. I can't say anything, I don't know how to, until I've experience the feeling myself, I'm not going to say anything but just mesmerize over pictures on the internet.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I hate my dad. He's been to London. Wait, did he? Or was it just the Netherlands and France? I'm not sure myself. He's been to a part of Europe at least. Where have I been? NO. WHERE. FML.

I'm feeling so emo right now. Dios mio :( I will someday. All of Europe. Europe, you wait for me. Venice, make sure there's plenty of water when I arrive cause I'm going to want to ride on the gondola. London, don't take down the London eye just yet. I'll be coming, one day. I WILL!!!!!!!

Here are a number of pictures that could captivate you,

Gorgeous ain't it?

Masochistic.

2010-12-11T16:30:00.005+08:00

I lost my phone recently. Very recent, on the 9th. The day I'll never forget. That day, I was so looking forward to 4.30PM. That day, I was to be rejoicing the fact that I'm officially not a high school student anymore. I don't have to wake up at 5.30AM anymore the next year, wear my blue pinafore and I no longer need to bring heavy bulky books that I never bother to touch. That day, the day I've been waiting for since I entered Form1 in 2006, the day I could finally let my wings free, and finally fly.

However, the exam ended with a very interesting-upsetting turn of event. I lost my phone. It contradicted every single plan I have for that day, left to right, up and down. I woke up thinking how I was going to scream like a maniac after the exam, all screwed. I didn't notice it was lost until I was out of the examination room at 4.30PM. Of course, I was worried. I ran to where ever I've been to before, to retrace my steps. I didn't search thoroughly though, I should have crawled on the grass.

That night, I went out with my friends. I can't stay at home and be a sour puss while my friends are out and having the time of their life. I just finished my SPM, I deserved that outing. Losing my phone on the other hand, I don't. There, Aleen told me Amal and the others went to look for my phone in school, which was in the evening. BTW my school is known to have disembodied spirit wandering around. So, on the search of my phone, they felt and heard things. Shouting things. Creepy. I just can't bear in mind what my phone's going through. Where izit, izit scared? I imagined things doing things to my phone. Yes, I'm crazy like that. Once you put ideas in my head, this happens.

But it was temporary; at least I thought it was. I told my friends, I'm fine w/o it. It’s okay and everything. Well it's not. I want that phone, I like that phone, that phone hasn't hit the big 1 even, and how dare I lose it? How can I be so fucking careless? That phone has been my companion through it this whole year, it had a dictionary, I love dictionaries, especially ones that I could use on the go. How dare I took that phone for granted?! How dare I not appreciate that phone?! Dios mio, I'm angry over a phone! Why not? I like that phone. But really, I was slightly fine, it didn't really bother me.

I was only proved wrong when I encountered a big word that I needed to look up in the dictionary. Masochistic was the word that really knocked some sense in me. It means a willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.
My hand was groping around for my phone, and then I remembered, it's not anywhere anymore. There’s no more on the go dictionary. I was left devastated. I swear. Ever now and then I keep playing the event on my head.

"I was sitting at one of the table in the canteen. Aleen just used my phone to call Rahman. After she was done, I placed it under my file, on the table. Everyone came to the table because there was a pandemonium going on at the table about the Account answers. That was the last I remember of my phone. Then the whistle calling us for the exam was blown. Everyone rushed. I was rushed." And yeah, I didn't remember anything anymore. Why the fuck didn't I put the phone in my pocket after Aleen used it? ARGHHHHHHHHHHH I'm so pissed at myself! I define stupid, careless, forgetful,

I'm already punished by losing my phone, now I gotta sit through my life having it play in my head repeatedly. Fuck me.

1. Henry Golding

Paul the Opetus.

2010-10-27T14:58:00.003+08:00

Everyone knows this famous little dude called Paul. He gave oracle predictions for every Germany's football match. Majority of the predictions was correct. He played a big part in the world cup. Especially in the finals for Netherlands VS Spain. His predictions gave uproars to alot of people. This octopus should be remembered. Put him in History books or whatever, he has to be remembered. He believed in Spain and gave hope to all the Spain supporters. He has to be remembered cause Spain won and it's their first as the World's champion.

He died proudly, I have to say. Just a little smug, maybe. I mean who wouldn't right? If you were to predict alot of correct things and people are actually on the edge of their seats just waiting for your prediction, who wouldn't be smug? That octopus could be snotty, if he wanted to. He's obviously better than all the other octopus. hahaha.

I wish I had met him before he went on. haihhh~ He's awesome. Awesome Paul ♥

Paul The Octopus
January 2008-26 October 2010
RIP

Agonizing pain.

2010-10-23T19:55:00.003+08:00

Who the fuck needs more teeth? 28 is plenty enough and now I'm bloody growing a so-called "wisdom" tooth. Unless you give me wisdom, I don't appreciate your presence, okay tooth? You're useless and causing me much unwelcome pain. It's not like I can't chew my food w/o you, cause I can! Proudly even. And with no pain.

So I googled about tooth just now. Didn't really want to read through the gory details. Just show me a few disturbing picture like a root canal or the insides of people's mouth and I'm already on my way scrolling to the end of the page. Ugh. Gave me goosebumps, I swear.

Anyway, I feel like just peeling my gum off so it will all be done with. It's literally pissing me off. My bloody ulcer on the tip of my tongue isn't helping me live through this pain either. FML.

Ted, just...

2010-10-22T20:40:00.010+08:00

So, what have I been doing since my last post.

My last post was on 8th of September.

September 8 -Desperate to watch the friendly match between Spain and Argentina which astro wasn't airing live and I woke up at a perfect timing where Fernando Llorente scored a goal. The only goal from the Spain side btw. Argentina won 4-1. Or was it 3-1? Whatever. They won, that's all.

September 9 -Went to watch Step Up 3D (only without the 3D) with Serena and Lisa. Awesome day. Step Up was awesomeeeeeeeeeee~~~

September 10 -First day of Raya. Went to Hazirah's house. Then to Elya's house.

September 11 -Second day of Raya. Supposed to go to Jaje's house but didn't and went to aunt's house instead.

September 12 -Third day of Raya. Supposed to go to Aleen's house. But didn't and stayed at home to watch the US Open. Nadal was playing.

September 13 -Witnessed Nadal winning his US Open title and completing his Grand Slam. (I think it was on this day)

September 16 -Watched Arsenal ripped Braga's head of with 6-0 win. Awesomeeeeeeee~ It really was a happy day for me. Not only did Arsenal won big. My hair stopped falling. Well, maybe not entirely but less.

September 17 -Went to school.

September 19 -Arsenal drew with Sunderland pfffffft. Fabregas scored for Arsenal with a freak goal. Tomas Rosicky missed his penalty kick. And Sunderland scored at the very very last mere second.

September 22 -Dad's Birthday. Arsenal won 4-1 against Tottenham in the Carling cup.

September 25 -Went to Interact Installation Dinner. Missed first half of Arsenal against West Brom. Arsenal lost at home 3-2.

September 29 -Arsenal won against Partizan.

October 3 -Went dress hunting for Brother's graduation. Chelsea ripped Arsenal's head off with 2-0 victory.

October 4 -Second SPM Trial started.

October 7 -Watched Mohamad Azlan Iskandar on action. He lost.

October 8 -Flew to KK. Stumbled upon a good-looking-married air steward. Haih. Screw you Daniel. You just had to be good looking. Anyway, as soon as I arrived, I was looking for a sports channel to watch Spain against Lithuania. There was no such channel so I died of curiosity. But Spain won 3-1 :D

October 9 -Owned Warisan Square and One Borneo. Hahaha

October 10 -Brother's graduation early of the morning. Fucking wedges was killing my leg. Flew back to Miri.

October 13 - Spain won 3-2 against Scotland. They(Spain) was about to win 3-1 but pique went on to score an own goal. Thanks Pique, but no thanks.

October 14 -Trial ended.

October 15 -Went to school. Then skipped it after recess and went to Jaje's house.

October 16 -Arsenal won 2-1 against Birmingham.

October 19 -Majority of 5L4 wore school shirt.

October 20 -Morning: Arsenal ALMOST killed Shakhtar with 5-0 win. But then Eduardo was subbed in (FYI Eduardo was in Arsenal. He left because he had a harsh injury and he felt like he can't fulfill his promise for Arsenal. But the gunners, including yours truly, was very supportive and welcoming upon his return to the Emirates Stadium. They cheered for him for God's sake! It was so touching I cried!) and scored a goal. The last goal of the match. (The gunners, including yours truly :D cheered for him. HOW COOL ARE ARSENAL FANS?! Of course if it was anyone else scoring a goal, there won't be any cheer, duhh. Truth be told, his goal that day felt like he was scoring a goal for Arsenal. What a night) Oh, before the game he promised if he scored any goal that night, he won't celebrate. He did score, and he didn't celebrate :) You awesome man, Eduardo.

October 20 -Afternoon: Watched The Proposal. Again. Still awesome. The made history. I slept from 4.30PM to 5.30AM. Awesome.

October 22 -Today :D

So, I bet you're asking. How do I remember all this. I just have good memory. Not. My phone calender. Hahahahaha. You know how phone calender makes noise when it's time right. That's why. I even need to put "Shower" on my calender to tell me to shower.

So let me tell you what's going to happen in the last week of October and of next month.

October 24 -Arsenal's against Man City. Fingers cross please.

October 30 -Graduation at EastWood :D

November 1 -Serena's Birthday :D

November 14 -Lisa's Birthday :D

November 23 -D-DAY.

November 26 -Jasmin's Birthday :D

December 8 -Yours truly's birthday :D

December 9 -FREEDOM BABY. Aleen's Birthday.

Vain.

2010-09-08T00:23:00.004+08:00

I'm so vain I Googled my name and found a song called Felicia and Youtubed it and loved it and downloaded it and it is now on replay.

MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The song is catchy too. So if you don't like it, don't deny the fact that it's because it's my name instead of yours. Bitch, please. Hahahaha. God. I LOVE YOU, THE CONSTELLATIONS. Although the lyric is just crazy twisted in a weird way, it's still my name.

So, here. Enjoy.

BIEBERBLAST!

2010-09-06T23:32:00.008+08:00

Honestly, I'm not a big fan of this Bieber guy. Hell, I'm not even his small fan or just his fan. I'm just... Not. Why? Just cause... Is there really any reason why people don't like him? Really? People don't like him in the first place is because well... Just to blend in with the society.

Or maybe just the fact he... Sounds like a girl. I mean, what's wrong with sounding like a girl right? Maybe puberty hasn't come ringing on the doorbell yet for him. Anyway, I. Am not fond of him cause he flips his hair. It's really aggravating cause he does it intermittently in an interview I saw on E! News (Mind you, I wasn't watching E! News for the sake of him. I've been watching E! News even before he existed on TV).

I don't mind Jason Dooley flipping his hair, though.

I mean, just look at him. His cute. Not in a Bieber way. Cause I don't find Bieber cute in any way.
Well, While I'm at it...

Isn't he just the cutest? Wooh. But no. I don't like him how I like Matt Lanter, or Fabregas or this half British half Malaysian guy, Henry Golding. But God, if I were to meet him (Jason Dolley) in real life... Sighh.

Well, while I'm at it :D

I know right? Isn't the guy in the last pic hot?

But seriously, don't he (Bieber) sound like a girl the first time you heard him? It's weird, cause I really thought he was a girl until that E! News interview I saw and boy was he not a girl. But his voice is kinda maturing now (I think?). Have you heard the one, he's with Usher? Damn that's a good song, I have to say. I still kinda get a little... Bleghh when I see the video and see him dancing like that. But... The song is nice. And he's got some moves up his sleeves. Claps for you Bieber.

Make some more songs like that, maybe I'll go from Just-Not fan to... I-Am-But-Not-Really fan. Yeah? And maybe if you'd grow some more and ditch the flippin' attitude, then we'll start talking.

Procrastinator.

2010-08-27T20:29:00.005+08:00

So many times I come here trying my very best to complete a post. And every single time I stop halfway, feeling lazy and thinking maybe tomorrow or later I'll finish it. But to no avail of course. That my friend, is the definition of a true procrastinator. If you're one too, don't even bother being proud about it. It doesn't help you in anyway.

It's not even funny, this procrastinating attitude. You know how much I hate myself right now because I can't remember how to find the value of h for the matrices question in my Maths paper?! Or how to find the freaking equation of a locus?! That is just so messed up because I did one question each the night before on a workbook. I even got it correct! THAT IS JUST SERIOUSLY MESSED UP.

I felt like crying my eyeballs out when I saw that question. I was thinking really really hard. Because I was peeling my thumb's skin. I only peel my thumb's skin when I'm thinking really hard! It's habit, and apparently a bad one cause my thumb looks retarded now. Anyway, I even tried calming down hoping, just hoping maybe it will all come back to me. It didn't though. Cause I'm not in a chick flick where there's a happy ending.

If I didn't just study the night before, if I've studied the whole time I spent yapping my mouth, maybe I could have done the question flawless. But don't worry though, I am a changed person now. Hopefully. I've been studying everything. Some, still trying hard like Sejarah. And Account. My God Account... It was as if I was reading something foreign. What the hell is this? When did I learn this? Oh my God what number goes where? I can kind of excuse Account though, because I was too busy learning Maths (that-the-next-day-I-forgot-how-to-do-matrices) the night before. Not sure if Dahlan's gonna excuse me though.

Anyway, I'm sooooooooo done procrastinating man. I. WILL STUDY LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. Cause my life really does depend on it. I really do mean it this time too.

AND LOOK! I'VE FINISHED A POST!

Cheese.

2010-08-01T18:33:00.005+08:00

Hello again :D Wow, hopefully I won't jinx it by saying this but... I've been frequently updating my blog (2 posts only and she says its frequent, pfffffffft)

Anyway, I can gladly and finally say, I've watched The Proposal. Finally. I loved it! And I feel like watching it again. I mean, I only just finished watching it a few hours ago.

I must say, Ryan Reynolds looks extremely... Sexy. And cute. Lucky Scarlett. And his character isn't cheesy. Unlike that cheesy vampire in Twilight (you know which one). Bleghh Andrew (Ryan Reynold's character) was just perfect. He was like... a bad boy. NO! Not a bad boy. He was just... nonchalant. About the girl. I mean, the girl forced him to marry her for God's sake.

Most girls, when I say most girls I mean me and my friends, don't like cheesy things. Unless it's on pizzas and wedges and stuffs like that. We tend to cringe when it happens. Like really cringe, not only our fingers, but our toes, our tongues, our eyes would roll to the back of our head, and the hair at the back of our necks would stand.

Don't go around saying those cheesy lines like those alphabet thing about the "U" and the "I" thing. Eeeeee. Seriously. Go watch all the Twilight movies and learn the vampire's (you know which one) cheesy lines and never use it out in public. Not even to a tree. Or a dog! And speaking of that certain vampire, having a sexy British accent but with a hair that looks like it never met a comb, bagus iboh jak, I say.

I don't mean every girl in this world hates cheesy guys but there are more of us out there than just a a group of me and my friends. If she cringed the first time, don't make her do it again.

So to conclude things, some girls like guys who are romantic but not crazy romantic, you know? It can happen occasionally. Just not ever single time. They don't want you to "lasso the moon" or put U and I in the alphabet together. Just don't. Cause if you change the alphabet then alot of people are screwed to having to learn the alphabet again. And there's not enough moon in the whole milky way to be lassoed every time someone says it.

Freaky Friday, indeed.

2010-07-31T20:56:00.005+08:00

On Friday, us fifth formers had a talk about Sejarah in our school hall. So we had to drag our chairs from block C(izit?) all the way to the hall.

Anyway, while looking at Mr. Tan talking (yes, looking not listening), I blurred out of space cause I was sleepy and that whatever he is saying is boring. So while I was daydreaming, I thought of doodling on a piece of paper.

Normal right? Wait til you hear this. After that I imagine myself sitting in front of a therapist. And I somehow can see what the therapist was looking at. Which was her yellow legal pad. You've seen it in movies and stuffs, therapists' are supposed to be writing useful things to solve the patient's insecure problems. But instead, she was doodling.

And here's the part. That reminded me of Freaky Friday where Jamie Lee Curtis (yes, they've already switched bodies) was having a session with her patient, but she wasn't listening so she doodled. Anyway yeah, so that time, I was craving to rewatch Freaky Friday, which I am now loading on Youtube.

Then I told Aleen, who was sitting on my right-hand side that I felt like watching Freaky Friday. (oh my God! That day when I craved to watch it, it was Friday! Is that not freaky?) Then she creased her brow, "that's so random. Why all of a sudden?". I didn't tell her the whole thing. It's too long and crazy.

Say you don't want it.

2010-07-24T20:56:00.002+08:00

On Wednesday,

Just skip to the last sentence if you're lazy to read. It's really not interesting the way I retell the story. I'm not in the blogging mood. I just felt obligated to blog cause the blog feels so dead.

So, my friends and I had to stay back for an addmaths extra class. We ate at Banana leaf, nice place btw. Anyway, while we were eating, my friend, Jaje, screamed or was it a shout? I forgot. I know it was loud cause the owner came to check on us.

She checked the NS thing online using Amal's phone. She didn't get picked, hence the scream/ shout.

Then they wanted to check mine, so gave my IC number and waited a few minutes. After that few minutes, he said that there was an error. Then someone said they don't accept my IC number, and "you're not a Malaysian" comment followed.

My face must have been giving a thousands of question marks cause he passed the phone to me to check it myself. I was really confused. And half sad. Why the hell was my IC number not accepted?

Then Kenaidy, he was sitting next to me, read whatever it was to read, passed it to me, then said "get ready for the scream. 3. 2. 1"

"I thought it was siri 8?" I said that, so they were all shocked I didn't scream. I don't know what it was trying to say OK?!

It was saying something like, "Nombor kad pengenalan anda tidak diterima dalam senarai plkn siri 8/2011", something like that.

I really thought they can't find my IC number.

But then Jaje at the other end of the table said, DON'T YOU GET IT?!

And then they explained.

And in a high pitched voice, I said "OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I DIDN'T GET PICKED OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG".

Sighhhh. I'm so glad I didn't get picked for NS.

Don't you think so?

2010-07-18T15:10:00.002+08:00

Right?

No?

Hello, it's drama.

2010-06-14T12:17:00.005+08:00

What a surprise. I'm only blogging because I'm pissed off at something. And it's drama all right, called 90210.

Yes, those beautiful people up there.

So, people who watch 90210 knows Liam and Naomi are so meant to be. Hack, it's the only reason I'm watching it, NOT. I watch it to acknowledge Matt Lanter's beautiful blue eyes, beautiful blonde messy hair, beautiful jawline and just... His beautiful self. And also for the drama. And I really do think Naomi and Liam are meant to be. They're like... Ross and Rachel in FRIENDS. Only with more drama and less jokes, and no Joey and Chandler and Monica and Phoebe.

Anyway, This 3rd part of season 2, is SO messed up. So, last episode of part 2 was Naomi confessing that she had lied about a teacher trying to sleep with her. All that happened in a classroom with the teacher and his wife, the principal and some other people, Liam was waiting outside because he was madly in love with Naomi and was there to support her. When she confessed it all, she went out of the room and he was gone.

So! Everyone including me, KNOWS that she had messed up big time. But God, WAS IT NECESSARY TO MAKE LIAM SUDDENLY INTO ANNIE?! Ugh. Wth man? Annie is just screwed I tell you. In the first season she went on to steal Ethan, Naomi's BF, now season 2 went on to steal Liam! What. The. Hell. Though for the Ethan case, she wasn't stealing cause Naomi and him was all messed up and Ethan is not hot enough for Naomi, so I didn't really care about that. But Liam? That's where I draw the line! I mean, why can't Annie go look for a guy that Naomi hadn't touch? Oh wait, she can't. Cause she's retarded. Last time she tried for a guy that Naomi hadn't touch he turned out to be a psycho. Retard.

And Naomi did not get Liam just by a snap of her finger OK? She wanted a night of romance with Liam one night so she sent a bottle of wine with a note to meet her at a restaurant cause she thought he was... OK NEVER MIND THAT! I'm not gonna tell the whole story. But she really did went through hell OK?

And now! Her evil sister Jen is back to screw up her life! That bitch messed up her relationship with Liam, and that's so wrong! Oh my God. I'm going crazy here! Even more crazy after I see the rest of the episode. I'm serious. It's so MESSED UP!

So awesome!!!

2010-05-22T11:35:00.004+08:00

Did you press G for google yet on your Internet browser today? No? *GASP* KILL YOURSELF! You should, you know. Go to google I mean. Do it now! Go now! Go to google NOW! You know you want to.

There's Pacman on google! You can even play it! At first I thought it was just a picture, which isn't a bad thing, because pictures are awesome, but no! It's not a picture, it's the next best thing! Aside from the existence of Google, you can actually play the damn thing!

I went there just now to google somethings (googled Mark Salling, GOD HE'S HOT), and I got drifted away by the game. Not for long since it was just a small piece but is also an enjoyable one.

Then I went there again, just for the fun. Hahahaha Google is awesome. May God bless whoever created Google. OOH! I should google who created google!

It's Sergey Brin and Larry Page! OH MY GOD. I don't think there's a need to bless them anymore. They are the 24th wealthiest man in the world, according to Forbes. Currently! And... They are PhD students at Stanford! Now, I don't even know what PhD stands for, LET'S GOOGLE! ... It's Philosophiae Doctor!

Wow, I'm learning alot here! Not the thing I should be learning, but I'm learning aren't I?!

You make me wanna say,

2010-05-08T11:09:00.006+08:00

OMG!

I love this song OMG! Talk about OMG, He's saying OMG for God's sake. That's so OMG y'know?

This song makes me wanna say oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh OH MY GOD.

Ugh.

2010-05-05T20:53:00.003+08:00

I want to shower, but there's a cicak in there. And no way ever I'm going in the toilet with that thing there. BTW, it's HUGE fml. And I know I always exaggerate things, but this time, it's for real. Huge! Huge like... I don't know! ANYTHING HUGE! That huge.

I hate cicak, so go figure.

The apple of my eye.

2010-05-02T11:13:00.006+08:00

It's been quite awhile since I last saw supposedly the apple of my eye. And when I say apple, I really mean Apple. Hahahah Not the fruit apple, the guy apple that I've mentioned before in old previous post.

Looking at him makes me miss shooting (FYI, if you didn't already know, I quit Archery and FYI, FYI means For Your Information, kay? Kay) And he's so cuteeeeeeeeee wtf! If I could post some of his pictures here, I'm sure I've already done it.

And and! Sadly, his status says, his taken. Oh life -.-

And all of this, via Facebook.

God he's cute GAHH!

OMG, I'm such a girl. Hahahaha. Stop looking at his pictures Felicia Julin! Remember Monkey? MONKEY HELLO?! AWESOME GOLDEN MONKEY?! Kay.

Retitled: The Monkey of my eye :)

Post-it notes are awesome.

2010-04-29T21:31:00.008+08:00

Bored

+

Post-it notes

=

MY LIFE IS AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

2010-04-27T18:41:00.003+08:00

"You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head, spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night"

-Smile by Uncle Kracker

I can't manage to put these feelings I'm feeling into words. What happened to me was just awesome! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH Awesome awesome awesome~~~~~~~~~~

I can't even wipe off this smile plastered on my face, it's just too awesome! I think someone stuck it with glue to stick woods.

Anyway, if this was an award show, it would mean I just won an award. And If I were to give an acceptance speech, it would probably sound like this,

"I'd like to thank God and my parents cause I was born, I'd also like to thank, Izzuddin for all the help, I'd like to thank SMK. St. Columba for making a sports day, also not to forget Interact Club for existing, and not to forget also Interact Club's President, Hafreez, for being the president and also for all the help, and oh! for making an Interact Stall this year, I'd like to thank God and help's parents cause help was born. Oh! And I have to thank whoever created canned drinks, cause without it, I might not feel awesome right now, and lastly, whoever created Anglia drink, you know the drink with a little of alcohol in it *pause for a huge grin*, Anglia is the real reason why I'm feeling awesome. Thank you, really"

Yeap, something like that. And this "help" thing, it's a human, male or female, you be the judge. LIFE IS AWESOME!!!

Future slapped right at your face!

2010-04-26T19:51:00.004+08:00

There's two things I want to talk about, and the second one, very emotional.

So, a bunch of Universities/ Colleges came to our school to promote them school today. Few caught my eye like Taylor's College, Lim Kok Wing, Swinburne and yeah.

They asked me what was I into, and I said something like writing or something, and thus they present to me Mass Communication. Mass Communication can go from to being a publishing, journalist, columnist, host, DJ, and all those. My face lit up, seriously.

Maybe I have found the thing I want to study on :D

AWESOME!

So anyway, then I went to INTI's booth cause my friends were there. I never had an interest to study there so I didn't really want to stay long. Then Aleen and I walked around for awhile then walked pass by the INTI's booth again, and the old man called on us to sit down, God knows why. So we didn't have a choice cause we didn't want to be rude so we sat down and tried to listen to him yapping.

Seriously it was all fine and dandy till he said something about Malaysian's English is very weak (yes, he said Malaysian's English, not Felicia's or Aleen's or St. Columba's or Mirian's or Sarawakian's, he said Malaysian's English), at first I was just fine whatever, then he keeps on saying Malaysian's English very weak blahblahblah. Ok, I was still fine. Then he started saying, Malaysian's English is very weak till barely can finish a paragraph with all the bad grammar and blahblahblah (BITCH!), actually, he said something like, "the English is so weak barely can complete a paragraph with all the bad grammars (and something something, I was too appalled), what more if being asked to write a whole page (BITCH BITCH BITCH GO TO HELL!)"

Then, he asked us to fill in this form, so we did and he asked me, where am I interested to go to continue my studies, it goes like this:

Me: Oh, Kuching, KL, US... (he cut me off)
Asshole: US?
Me: (continues) Yeah, USA, or UK... (cuts me off)
Asshole: Don't go out of Malaysia I tell you. You will suffer.

He said some assholed things like lecturers in America doesn't give a damn (yes, he said "doesn't give a damn") to their students. Like, if they fail, fail, as long as they get money. The tone that he used was a tone like sik mok kalah, or like Lee would say, A DOUCHE'S TONE! Oh, and I remembered some things he said to me til it almost made me cry, he said, "YOUR PARENTS GOT MONEY, NOT THEY SUFFER, YOU SUFFER", "YOU'RE JUST GONNA WASTE YOUR MONEY", and the most hurtful, "YOU GOT MONEY, YOU SUFFER!", mind you he shouted at me.

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU TO SHOUT AT ME? WAS IT NECESSARY TO SHOUT AT ME? DO YOU FUCKING WANT ME TO GO TO YOUR STUPID FUCKING SCHOOL OR NOT? WHO IN THE FUCKING HELL SHOUTS AT THEIR CLIENTS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! DID YOU LEFT YOUR FUCKING BRAIN IN USA OR SOMETHING?! STOP JUDGING HOW PEOPLE DO THEIR JOB, WHY DON'T YOU LOOK AT THE WAY YOU'RE DOING YOUR JOB YOU ASSHOLE? IS THAT HOW PEOPLE GET STUDENTS INTO THEIR COLLEGE? BY SHOUTING AT THEM? YEAH, I DOUBT IT YOU ASSHOLE. GO FUCK YOURSELF, I HOPE YOU DIE YOU ASSHEAD! AND THANK YOU, REALLY! FOR MAKING ME REALISE HOW MUCH I JUST NOT ONLY NOT WANT TO GO TO INTO INTI COLLEGE BUT ALSO HOW MUCH I HATE THAT SCHOOL BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE THERE!

Bitch.

I can HAZ dog?

2010-04-21T20:19:00.004+08:00

I swear, izit me or is the day getting hotter?! I just moved a little bit and I can feel the heat. What more to say if you're moving alot?

Anyway, HI!

So, in school there's this cute little puppy with white paws, (I don't know the sex of the dog so I'll just assume the puppy is a He) it makes him look like he is wearing socks, SO CUTE PLEASE?!

So I gave him a sausage, he took it but instead of eating it he buried it, IS THAT NOT CUTE?!

But that's not what I wanted to talk about. So just keep reading.

While I was so absorbed by his cuteness, came this walking brainless asshole. Oh wait, scratch that. He wasn't walking, he was running aiming the puppy like it was a rubbish at the sidewalk that people just kicks. I love dogs, specially cute ones, so I shouted at the asshole.

Me: OI!!!
Asshole: What? Got problem?
Me: YES. I HAVE A PROBLEM.
Asshole: G-T-H. (I swear he seriously said that, like retarded people who says O-M-G instead of Oh My God, mind you I say Oh My God)
Me: *Wtf-ed* YOU GO TO HELL. THAT'S A DOG!
Asshole: YOU'RE A DOG! (Are you trying to say BITCH? No? Just dog? OK :D)
Me: *Wtf-ed even more* OK. I'm a dog.

Then Desmond them all started shouting at him and he ran away. BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Do you know how messed up this kid is? OK, last year, he went up the stage to receive his prize or whatever, I'm not really sure what happened, but when I looked up he was showing his middle finger to us sitting at the floor.

Then he was forced by Mr. Wong Kung Kui or whoever, to apologize. He did and he was laughed at instead.

Then this year, his class won the cleanliness class, he wasn't the class prefect but God knows why he went up to take the trophy. Then the real class prefect went up and he was embarrassed and he kept scolding, punching his class prefect the whole way to their class line. And I think he was scolded by Mr. Wong Kung Kui again after that.

Very cool, right? NOT. Asshole. You're only 14, stop being a dickhead. And BTW walking around with a stick in your mouth only makes you look like... Oh Nothing :) (unless it's a lollipop stick with an actual lollipop in there, it's fine)

There is no pleasing when it comes to me.

2010-04-16T22:58:00.003+08:00

Don't you just hate it when you watch a movie or whatever and this girl met this guy and they would fall in love then something would come in between them but at the end they get back together and would live happily ever after? I do.

I always hated it cause happy endings are not likely to happen in reality, so far that I know at least.

Thus, the movie L is for love, L is for lies was created.

The girl got cheated 2 times by the same guy, and the guy that actually would make her happy died. Now that's a movie you can watch if you hate happy endings.

But after I watched the movie, I wanted a happy ending for the girl. Why did the guy have to die? Why did the guy have to be unfaithful? Why did she have to bare all the pain alone?

Seriously that movie needs a part 2. So it would end happily. Yes, I actually want a happy ending for this girl.

I guess, sometimes, when you watch a love movie with a lead actress, somehow you can relate to her. Just like reading a book. I don't know, there's no pleasing with me.

Have you seen anything else more gorgeous than this? Well, besides Matt Lanter. Have you?!

2010-04-13T20:33:00.003+08:00

No?

My point exactly.

L.A. Candy, I want you!

2010-04-11T19:34:00.005+08:00

I want to get that damn book! But Miri suck so bad, there's only 2 bookstores, I think? And 1 of them are not worthy of being called a bookstore, yes I'm talking about you Popular!

The other one is Belle's Bookshop, it's the most awesome thing you can get if you are novel-crazy and is living in Miri. But hands down, it can't beat Kinokuniya or MPH. Serious. WHEN THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS COMING HERE?!

I know, you can buy online. You think I don't want to?! Just give me a damn Visa card, or a Master card. Eesh. And I know I can ask from Father, just that every time I want to ask, there's that feeling I'd get turned down, I hate that feeling, hence I don't ask and I don't get anything fml. (I keep using hence nowadays wtf)

So anyway, I have the second book, Sweet Little Lies , at first I thought it's just a 1 book, not series, then I read at the back carefully, it says it's the second book from the series fml. And the first book is L.A. Candy; third book, last book, coming out on Oct 5 (at least that's what I found out) Fml really.

Popular so alang-alang I tell you! If you're not gonna sell the first book, might as well don't sell any of the book! Ee kenja! You tricked me into buying that book Popular, now you shall burn!

Anyway, I'm gonna ask. SOON! Fingers cross.

P.s, I'm not gonna read that book until I get the first book! Well, hopefully.

Hello, Good Morning, Good Night.

2010-04-09T20:03:00.010+08:00

The school's having this Hari Pelanggan thing tomorrow. It's where the teacher get to say bad stuffs about their students to the parents which they will numbly agree.

I haven't told my parents about it yet, so I'm guessing I'm not going. I'm not going cause I'm scared of the teacher's comments which I already know what it is, also I'm lazy to go to school on a Saturday. Let me live, will you? And much more, I don't wanna go cause I don't get a say in anything but just smile like a retard to negative comments. And my mom would be nodding away to what the teacher have to say and the occasional "Yalah", Mmhmm~

So, I'm not going, I refuse. But then again, Jaje told me this morning, there's gonna be another Hari Pelanggan, wtf.

Those are one of the reasons I want to get out of school so badly.

So anyway, on the bright side, I CANNOT WAIT FOR... May? Or izit June? I don't know, the Gawai hols. I'm going to Koreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~ This is awesome is it not?!

I'm hoping to see a bunch of things. Like,

JYPE office

A Bidet
I've seen a real-life bidet before, now that I think about it o.O

Kimchi

The infamous 63 Building

Myeongdong Street, OMG

Samgyupsal :D

Dukbokki

Those are just some that I could think of at the moment. And whom would I want to see, of course.

2PM

SHINee

Their on top of my list. I swear if I see them walking around, ...

Hence, being speechless.

All of this, thanks to the amount of variety shows that I watch on Youtube. Hahaha

God I cannot wait!

P.s, pictures from Google.

A mess you could sell.

2010-04-07T19:38:00.003+08:00

I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update.
I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update.
I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update. I should update.

:)

Finally?

2010-04-05T18:16:00.002+08:00

The parents went off to send the older one to some place. And left me and Lee at home, hungry. This is not the life to be living. The least she could do is leave some bucks so we could order or something. Though they're only going in the morning and coming back around night, whatever our tummy is still rumbling mother.

So after school, I went rummaging in the fridge for consumable food. Saw a container of Ice cream, ate that. Then saw an interesting movie, thought of making a popcorn. So first, I poured a small amount of kernels into the pot and put a small slice of butter, which is wrong! But wait, it turned out not that bad. So I did it again, only now with more kernels and more butter and too much of salt fml. I let it pop there for a while and went to enjoy the movie.

Then after I just came back to reality, I headed to the kitchen and fucking saw a smoke coming out of the pot. Open the lid and swoosh. Smoke all around altogether with burnt smell, seriously fml. Looked in the pot and the popcorn was fucking black -.-

Ugh, lapar ku bodo.

You know what, awesome?

2010-03-29T19:58:00.004+08:00

I think I should update my blog. Every time when I'm sitting watching tv, sitting in front of the computer, pooping in the toilet bowl, shampooing my hair, brushing my teeth, eating my food, combing my hair, flipping through pages, texting on my phone, there's that one feeling somewhere in me begging me to update my blog.

What am I to do? I don't have anything to talk about. I only blog when I have an urge to blog, like if there's something scratchy at your hand or somewhere, you have an urge to scratch it. It goes w/o thinking, like automatic. That's how I am with blogging.

So just chill, there's no drama at the moment.

On the mean time, I HAVE THIS FREAKING ORAL TO DO WTF. I just got the text for my BM oral, and it's so hard to even look at that thing what more to say to memorize the shit. God life. And then there's English oral, thank God Izzuddin's not here so we can postpone it til next week :D

Oh bless me God.

May God bless their souls'.

2010-03-18T22:14:00.004+08:00

About time I start blogging again. If my blog was a human it'd be like a guy who had just awoken from his coma.

So anyway, I went to Myron's beach party just now and God it was quite sad. But it was fun, so boo you if you got invited and didn't come.

But the most awesome(not for me, but for Desmond, Gurjit and Myron cause they ditched me and I had to take care of the stuffs they left at the base) part was the drama. 3 or 2 incidents. I think 2, God knows, I didn't see. One boy drowned at the bridge. Then the second boy drowned near the hill.

So here's how the story goes.

First boy, people started to gather around, ambulance came, more people started to gather around (including Desmond, Gurjit, Myron and Sheena), then Bomba came, then the boys came back to base and told me the boy died, the father got injured trying to save the boy, the father was told by the nurse to take his pants of cause his balls was injured, reporters took picture while Desmond was pointing at the guy/ the drowning boy's father's balls. (Btw, this is what they literally said and then some stuffs about and operator's number in shell which is 45454545454545454545, God knows how many 45's there really is. Hahahaha)

Second boy, the guys were still at the base and I saw the Bomba people having a group discussion, so Gurjit started to assume what they're saying like,

Gurjit: OK so after this, we go minum kopi blah blah blah, tomorrow got our face come out the newspaper blah blah blah, then go cb.
Myron: What's cb?
Me, Desmond, Gurjit: Cherries Berries.
Myron: Oh I thought it was cibai.
Laughed.
Gurjit: Oh I'd love to go to cibai.
Then they got carried away so I ran away from them.

Then saw some guy calling the bomba people and they started to jog to the far end of the beach like as if they were in baywatch or something, blehh. Saw the far end of the beach and people were starting to gather around. I got ditched again. Then they came back and told me the boy died, the family cried, foam came out from the boy's mouth, the body was blue, the first boy didn't die.

So yeah. What a day.

I'm even scared of cats and cicak for Gods sake!

2010-03-07T18:47:00.004+08:00

First of all, if you've known me for quite long as 5 minutes, you know that I'm the most-scared-of-anything. The most. Probably in the whole Miri, or Malaysia or if I'm just really that sad, the whole world.

Let's just say if I were to get 1 dollar, yes, 1 American dollar (cause it times 4 or something if converted to Malaysian money, that's 4 ringgit already!) for every single thing/ creature/ person/ whatever that I'm scared of, you'd want to kiss my platinum-plated ass. I'm just sayin' btw.

So anyway, do you know about that movie or whatever it is called Paranormal Activity? Yeah, Myron just linked me the trailer. As soon as I pressed the link, a panicky feeling emerged in me. So I mute the video and turned on the happiest song I could find in my playlist so I won't scream in terror.

It failed. Miserably -.- The video alone was scary as hell. What more to say if I heard the voices of the people shouting in the movie?!

He planned to bring me, the most-scared-of-anything, to watch it. But after I watched the freaking trailer, you bet I said no. Hahahahahaha

I have to get married and have babies!

2010-03-05T19:13:00.004+08:00

Do you know how much I love my lungs? And my heart, and my trachea, and my pancreas, and my hair, my neck, my back bone, my back, and my genital area, and my boobs? Alot OK? I like it more then I like you. Especially those who are trying to ruin them. They're precious OK?

I hateeeeeeeeeeeeee people who does open burning. If you open burn and I don't have to inhale any of those fucking smokes, it's OK. But I'm a human. I have to breath. Get some oxygen to live. And it is not the most awesome feeling when you inhale a fucking smoke. Thick black smoke. I do notwanna ruin my precious lungs. And yes, I hate smokers.

I do not want to die do you understand that? Don't want. Sik mok. Tidak mahu. Bu yao. Shiro. Enggai. Nemu dik? Mok kelayi ka? I wanna see the future. I wanna see what decisions did I make, I wanna see who I'd marry. I wanna see the face of my 4 babies, I wanna see what's gonna shelter me, I wanna see where am I living. You know?

I mean, if you wanna die. I'm OK with that. Just don't make me get the left overs. OK?

Eeeh. If you were alive on Monday morning, in Miri, you couldn't see anything. Nothing at all. Do you know how unpleasant that was? EEEEEEEE SCREW YOU PEOPLE.

Oh btw,
At first I thought it was a guitar then I looked longer and found out it's a violin. Or a cello? Bass? I don't know. Either one of those

Too much drama for 2PM(as in including Jay) and JYPE.

2010-03-03T14:19:00.006+08:00

Guess what! I just found out that I could curse in my head while keeping my face straight. How awesome is that? I think I've had this talent for so long since I've learned how to curse. But then again, who doesn't know how to curse in their head while keeping a straight face.

I was all bored out I was still waiting for the Science paper to end. So I played with my spectacles. It magically fell of my hands to the table and made a sound. And there's this guy, my classmate. It's like he's prone to little sounds that most people are immune to. Like maybe he'll magically caught someone cheating or something. Cause he's a prefect who thinks he's so cool. And he stares at people just hoping maybe the people that he's staring at will do something illegal. Psycho you know or not? He sits diagonally in front of me on the right. Every single teeny tiny sound made, he'll twist his head as fast and as hard as he could to catch what, who, where that sound came from. OMG SO IRRITATING YOU KNOW OR NOT?!

And even when I just stare blankly at the blackboard, he'd stare at me. I feel like shouting at him "WHAT?!" but then I'd get kicked out of class -.- So I just stared at him back with my eyebrows scrunched trying to make a "what?" look. Only in a more spiteful way. It's like we were having our own little staring competition. And I'd always win. So he turns away and that's when I start cursing in my head with a straight face on. You have to meet this guy to know how irritatingly annoying he is.

Anyway, moving on to a brighter side. There was this kitten in school. It was soooooo small. Newborn maybe. So so so small you know?! And so so so cute! With pretty blue eyes!!! OMG it was sooooooooo cute! I couldn't resist the cuteness I felt like bringing it back home. But thank God sense kicked in and said "You're gonna be scared of it when it's big and has sharp claws" and silently I walked away from it. Hahahaha I'm terrified of cats, big-sharp-clawed cats. I'm not a cat-person so yeah.

And Dad bought a new phone. Nokia E72. When I saw it I was like, "Thank God it's not BlackBerry". Cause if it were, part of me would die. A part of me died a little when I saw my cousins red BlackBerry. But it was BBcurve I think. It was definitely not a BBbold. Cause if it were, maybe I'd already be under the ground by now. Not. Well, maybe. Heh.

I'm in a HUGE toruble omg.

2010-02-28T15:23:00.002+08:00

I'm not psychic but I can already see my future. Holding a paper that's slapped with a number less then 10 at the top right corner of the Sejarah paper with a red pen.

That is NOT an awesome feeling. I refuse to feel that feeling and get my self-read future come true. I refuse I tell you. But how. How the fuck do people do it?

I was just reading the Sejarah text book. After 2 lines and I've already yawned. What is wrong with me? So I tried again, I restart. Then yawned. So I just continued. Then my eyes just kept drifting away looking at something else more interesting. Like, my nail, or my leg, or the carpet or just stare blankly. OMG IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO PASS SEJARAH I TELL YOU! I don't care if I don't get a bloody A. I just want to be able to pass it. That's all I ask for.

I try sooooo hard to keep my eyes on the book. Trying to feed my brain with the words that I'm reading but no... My brain refuses to accept the information. Seriously. I don't know why. I think my brain is biased. I read The Necklace the other day for my English paper and it accepts it so easily that I could still remember what I read the next day. That is just so wrong. So very wrong.

What am I to do? I want to read it, seriously I do from deep deep down of my heart. But my brain. YOU MEAN BRAIN YOU!!! This is not fair I tell you...

Hi-Tech things make my head spin like crazy.

2010-02-26T22:54:00.004+08:00

Chez is giving me a headache. Actually, Chez is making the headache I already had for the hours I spent under the sun just now even worse. TY Chez.

Btw, Chez is my iPod. Isn't that name awesome? Don't ask me why Chez. I don't ask you why you had your name now do I? And it's pronounced like Shezzzz~ y'know? French-erize your tongue when you plan to say his name. And yes, Chez is a he.

Anyway, you know how it can take videos and stuffs. So my friends went crazy and took videos like the crazy people they are. And now, I don't know how to bloody delete them. So I had to restore my iPod just to make those damned videos gone. Mafan or not I ask you? But wait. Here's the fun part. I had to re-sync everything in my iTunes into Chez again. This crazy little shiny orange thing.

But somehow, now... I think I know how to delete the videos taken using the video camera. I said I think. So don't start going crazy taking videos with Chez. I refuse to take the risk I tell you.

Moivng on from the drama.

2010-02-19T01:43:00.003+08:00

Do you know what I want right now?
OMG I WANT THE SIMS 3!!!

Don't ask me why, I just do OK? I miss playing the Sims. I played 1 and 2 already. so why should i miss on the 3rd one?

And I just saw like a bunch of pictures of it. AND IT LOOKED AWESOMEEEEEEEEEE! Screw it, I wish this computer was still using the already-screwed LCD screen instead of this box o.O

Anyway, so I request, Lee, BUY IT!!!! I'm desperately begging on my knees hereeeeeeeeee.

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I SAY, PUHHHHHHHHH-LEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

My blogging aura is kicking in.

2010-02-15T23:25:00.004+08:00

I'm a very socialized person. Very. So, you bet I have Facebook. That evil little social networking thing. It's like drugs only you get to socialize with people. You know how the trend is now, you're not cool if you don't have a facebook. I'm being sarcastic, shut up.

The evil thing is where people show-off their so-called awesome photography of themselves, their outings and all those whatnot's. And talk to each other even if you just met up like 4minutes ago. Going all brave saying bitch-like stuff cause there's not enough courage in the real world to push the bitch out of you. Yeah all that. And mind you, I'm one of them. Except for the latter note, my bitchiness is always around, offline and online.

Then there's the status thing. You know how people like to update every little thing about what just happened. Like, "Pooping was fun", "Life is awesome","People are irritating", "Why is life like this to me" blah blah blah all those emo things. I don't really mind or anything but God some of them are irritating.

Like there's this person in my friend list. No we're not close, but we're considered friends, in the real world OK? I know your English is so awesome and all and I know you hate how other people act. Like, how their status is all emo, annoying, steals other people's idea or something like that or they made another facebook for their own satisfaction and whatnot's. I mean it's their facebook. NOT YOURS. If you're so God damned irritated about other people's status, JUST HIDE IT! You know there's those little "HIDE" button at the top right corner of the annoying status. PRESS IT! And I thought you were suppose to be smart.

I'm so gonna hide you if I read one more post about you dissing other people on your status. Funny how this world works. You keep saying stuff about how annoying people are, and yet, you yourself is one of the people your dissing about. You know the saying something like, "you can find a thousand of other people's mistake, but you can't even find one of your own". I said, something like that, so shut up.

TEET TEET TEEEEEEEEEEEET TEEEEEET TEET TEEEEEEEEEEET TEEEEEEEEEEEET TEET TEEEEET TEET TEEEET TEEEEEET TEEEEET TEEEEEEEEEEET WTF?!!!!!

2010-02-15T12:26:00.005+08:00

Stop beeping! Stop beeping! I DEMAND YOU TO STOP BEEPING!!!!! *rips hair off head*

The computer is beeping like crazy! And I'm SO Irritated I could die!

STOP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPING YOU STUPID THING!

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU SO HARD! STOP BEEPING YOU FUCKER! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I'M IN RAGEEEEE! Oh i oughta...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just found out,

2010-02-12T23:52:00.004+08:00

Awesome people don't have time to be sad.

Anyway, I really don't know what to blog about nowadays.

I wouldn't wanna be one of those people who abandons their blog now would I, no offense to you if you're one :)

So, let's summarize my week. Monday, don't remember. Tuesday, don't remember, Wednesday, don't remember. But I totally looked like,
Only these guys are super cute with furry furs, and eats bamboos.

Then on Thursday, God it was the awesomest(if that's even a word) day EVER. It was a tiring, sweaty, fun, awesome day wtf. I didn't go in class once except to take my bottle and such. Awesome or not I ask you?

Delivered all the Interact Valentines gift and whatnot. Actually, we were done after recess like that but we're just awesome little liars :D

OMG. I feel boring talking about this. I'm sorry, I'm gonna stay low for awhile until I get the urge to blog.

Maybe tomorrow, cause I'm getting my spicy manok and apple pie tomorrow. I've been craving for those for awhile now.

This was like weeeeeeeeeeeks ago.

What's this about? I thought the Olympics in 2012?

I'm sorry I was born.

2010-02-07T20:10:00.003+08:00

After I put the last full stop on this post, everything will be left at there and my life will continue on awesomely.

When people ask me, "do you love your mom?", I'd honestly say, "No.". I've never loved her, ever. You think I'm just saying that cause I was angry at her that time but no, I honestly, from deep down at the bottom of my heart, never. Never loved her.

I think I was a mistake to her. But was it my fault that I was born? Was it my fault you just had to do it that one time and not use a condom? Was it my fault you didn't eat those magic pills? Was it my fault you didn't want to stop with just two boys?

You, you always... Always compare me to other people's daughter. "See ..., so helpful can clean the dishes", "see ..., so good get great marks", "see ..., so hardworking" and blah blah blah. You don't even know some of the people who you compare to, are much worse than me. So kurang ajar. And BTW, that's your beloved niece I'm talking about.

Why don't I compare you to other people's mom. See how you like it. Other people's mom let their child rest at home if their sick, even if it's just a fever. Other people's mom listen to their child, other people's mom cares more about their child than other people's child, other people's mom don't go, "bagi dia satu round lagi" and then laugh when their child is gasping for air, other people's mom aren't hated by their own child, other people's mom is not a bitch!

You think you're so funny when you said give me one more round when I'm literally gasping for air? You think I'm only angry at you cause you didn't help me to carry my things? You think I'm not tired when I've been waking up early for school, not only five days, but six! Six bloody days! You think I'm not tired? You think If I just miss even one day of school I'd magically just die? Or get even dumber than I already am? You think I don't have feelings? Why izit that you can "kesian" other people's daughter but not your own? Even if the other people's daughter is just 4, shouldn't your own child, the one that came out of your own womb should be the one that you "kesian" more?

Why izit that I NEVER get to rest at home when I'm sick with just a fever? Do I have to have a dying sickness just to only stay at home? What if I'm just really tired? Really dehydrated? No? Not allowed? It doesn't make sense to you? Oh I'm sorry.

Why do you always nag even when I arrive at school before 6:50? Why do you keep nagging for me to arrive at 6:30? Why do you keep nagging that I'm late when I'm actually not? Why do you always say the time is 1hour earlier than the real time?

Why don't you try stepping in my shoes? See how it feels to be me. See how stressful it is. See how tiring it is to have a mom who nags like it's their hobby. See how fun it is to have a mom who doesn't even let you stay home when you have a fever. See how fun it is being around people who don't understand you. How they don't know who you are. Don't even know what is going on in your life? Nags about you being late when you're not.

Never ONCE in my life have I skipped school. Oh, maybe that's why I don't talk at home? I don't talk to you guys? Well, thanks. I'm so glad I never skipped school a day in my life, if I did, I won't have met my awesome friends. I wouldn't wanna be friendless like you. Lonely, Nagy, clingy.

Just really, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. For making me go to school every single day in my life even when I'm sick. For getting me to meet such an awesome friends. For making me cry so much. So much, my eye is throbbing. Hopefully, you won't need to see me much after I finish my Form5. I don't love you FULL STOP

Anyone, slap me.

2010-02-04T19:01:00.003+08:00

Slap me; I need to wake up. Slap me; I need to get a new attitude. Slap me; I need to get back to reality. Slap me; I need to work hard. Slap me; I need not to be rude. Slap me; I need not to talk back. Slap me; I need not to be lazy. Slap me; just cause.

Ever since I joined Archery, all I wanted was to go to SUKMA. That's all. I didn't ask for anything more. I didn't ask anything over the top like to go represent Malaysia or anything. Just to represent Sarawak for SUKMA. That's all. I worked really hard. I trained for hours under the hot sun, I get really dark, I get sun burnt until my skin would peal, I skipped church, I don't sleep in the afternoons and stuffs.

Now, I barely even could stand under the sun for a couple of minutes w/o complaining. I skipped church but only to laze around. And I haven't even seen/touched my bow since last year! It's all trapped in the store room in it's case. I bet i can't even pull that bow right now.

And people around the country are all getting ready for the selection. What makes me think I'm so sure I could get in SUKMA when I can't even pull my own bow? I only have less than a month to gain my strength and shoot like I'm hungry for deer meat. That's the problem, I know I'm not sure I could get in SUKMA. But here I am. Still lazing around.

I think I'm stupid. No, seriously. I want to go SUKMA. But I don't want to train. I just seriously need someone to slap me.

I have to go training. I have to be ready in time for the selection. I have to be qualified for the selection. I have to win a seat for SUKMA. I HAVE TO DO IT OR I'M JUST A LOSER WHO NEVER ACHIEVES ANYTHING IN LIFE! I refuse I tell you. REFUSE.

I have to go training. WHO CARES I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SLEEP! After SUKMA I CAN SLEEP ALL I WANT! But at times I need to make revision for the you know what I'm having at the end of this year. No, not driver's license which is btw, OMG! Anyway, SPM!

I declare I start training either this Sunday or Next Tuesday. HONESTLY!

Awesome would be incomplete w/o ME.

2010-01-31T22:06:00.004+08:00

Get it?

Awesome, me. No? Get a new brain.

Anyway. TODAY WAS SO AWESOME I COULD DIE. Not literally die, so shut up.

I'll expand this awesome post when I have the time. I'm feeling awesomely sleepy right now. So I'm gonna go catch some awesome zzz's.

Awesome group photo by the awesome Chinese waiter name Wei Ming.

I'm so abusing the word awesome.

Stop telephoning me.

2010-01-30T20:07:00.004+08:00

It's not really an awesome day.

Tomorrow going to Elya's bday. I don't know what to give to her. It's like she already owns everything she can get her clean finger's on.

But then... My brother texted me that he was sitting next to the booth where they are selling Super Junior's concert ticket that is on this March 20th. And yes, SJ is coming to Malaysia. And the tickets are as cheap as hell he said.

An Elya is SO inlove with SJ. Cough, Kyuhyun. And that's the only thing that her clean fingers want to touch but can't reach. And the opportunity is just right there! Sighhhhh~ And that would be the most awesomest present EVER for her. EEEE DUNIA TOK!

Anyway, we had gerko thing-a-magig just now. Jasmin's grandfather passed away. That's not an awesome feeling. I didn't get to hug her or anything, she just left. So, BE STRONG JAS! And all the McChinie clan :)

OK. This is something I got from Facebook.

It so true, no one can deny it. Google is my BFF OK? How many times do I have to say that? Lol

Bend n' break.

2010-01-28T16:05:00.005+08:00

Mom is out having a shopping spree right now. And here I am being unawesome, if that's even a word.

I was planning to buy black shorts to use at Elya's birthday this Sunday but she totally just ditched me. I mean, she did invited me to go with her, but I was simply in my sanctuary dozing off. Can't she go at night? Eesh. Mothers'...

I'm stuck here moaning of my hurting back. It hurts so bad I feel like breaking it OMG! I'm getting old. And dying. I feel like I'm dying I tell you! D-Y-I-N-G!

Anyway, at school today, ate an awesome chocolate cake. It was Helena's birthday cake. Did I mention it was awesome?

Oh and today, found out none of us in Miri is going to MSSM. Maybe the whole Sarawak. It's like, go on your own expense. So, I'm not going. How sad. I wanted to see Apple for God's sake. Wonder how he's been...

Kay. Off to break my back. It's so irritating.

What do you want in life?

2010-01-25T19:17:00.002+08:00

Easy.

Alot of money.
Move to LA.
Own a sweet car (and a driving license of course)
Some more stuff that I don't feel like listing.
AND TAN LEE CHIEN NOT TO BE IN FRONT OF MY PRECIOUS EYEBALLS.

Oh you do not wanna know how much I detest that woman. How annoying she is with her stupid jokes (but gotta admit, a couple of them are funny. Like just now, Izzuddin was looking at the plants next to him, and she said, "Adakah saya suruh kamu bercakap dengan tumbuhan itu?" I cracked so hard), and she keeps bugging for those Nilam (though doing the nilam would seriously do a major improvement for my writing and speaking).

I really hate how she's always poking around everywhere like she owns our class. Though she does have half of the responsibilty for our class cause she's the Class Teacher Assistant thing-a-magig. Since last year. I'm so annoyed I feel like ripping my hair off. OHFML.

I'm ending this here. I talk more about her I just get more pissed.

ANYWAY! To a teacher that I personally adore. Mdm Magdeline. She asked us to talk about anyone famous on this Wednesday. I seriously don't know who I wanna talk about. WHO THE HELL DO I WANNA TALK ABOUT?!

I'm such a drama.

2010-01-23T14:21:00.006+08:00

I should get my facts straight.

So then... I don't have to go all crazy-psycho-emotional-bitch like.

BTW, HI HI HI HI!!! :)

I've been having schools on Saturdays since last week. Do you know how tired my soul is? VERY.

I swear if next Saturday is also a school day, I'm so gonna... Ugh, you do not wanna know.

Now, I wanna sleep. Sleep like there's no tomorrow.

DO YOU KNOW HOW AWESOME MY LIFE IS?!

2010-01-22T14:17:00.003+08:00

VERY!

This day was so great, I COULD DIE RIGHT NOW AND NOT HAVE ANY REGRETS! But I don't wanna die right now, cause I need more great days' like this!

It's so awesome it's like I drank,

YOU KNOW?! OMG I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW! ON TOP! OF THE WORLD!!!!

This week, I feel nothing but like a piece of an invisible shit. My wheel-of-life didn't even turn one bit this week. It's always down. DOWN AND SAD. It was like people were throwing... Tomatoes and whatnot's at me, just to keep me at the bottom. I've been sighing at life this whole week. Seriously, sigh life.

I even said to Aleen that my wheel was broken and I need a fixer-uppie man to fix it. My soul was in pain cause I was totally an invisible nobody.

But all those are... O-VER! BIG LETTER O!!! My life... IS AWESOME! You can fuck your life, cause it can't beat mine! My soul is jumping up and down right now wtf!!!!!! It's still playing in my mind even! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEE OMG!!!! It was so random... BUT WHO FUCKING CARES?!!!!!!!!

A small little Hi can change someones day. Seriously. Especially when that someone likes the person who's giving the Hi.

OMG!!! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ANNYEONG!!!!!!! KONICHIWAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! OMGGGGGGG HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to relive the moment when it happens and maybe give a better reply.

Instead of saying bye at the end of this post, I'm gonna say... Yes you've guessed it...

HI!

I should return the favour :D

2010-01-10T16:27:00.002+08:00

It's not cause I feel obligated or anything, I insist. Visit Elya's blog, she mentioned me in one of her post :D That's mad love yaw.

She was talking about how I my posts' was long... LOL! If I cut out the dramatic-over-exaggerating elaborations, it'd be... Sad. The post would be... Reeeeeeeeally sad. *nods innocently* and short.

Let me show you how I do it, what should I use... Hmm~

OK! Here,

A normal boring one would sound like this, He's so gross. (3 words)

But if you add a little ABJ in it, OMG HE'S SO GROSS WTF?! (5 words)

I wonder why I'm not able to do this in BM, it's so hard wtf.

Anyway, It's not really great to use it in a real convo though. Sometimes people tend to ignore you. Trust me, I've seen it. Happening to me wtf.

She also said my life is full of drama, actually no... My like is so normal, so BOH-ring. Believe it or not dear readers, My life is drama less. Sorry to disappoint you. I just happened to make know how to make drama out of boring stuffs. Lol. Again, you just need to add a little ABJ y'know. Lol

She even mention I should become a writer. Believe me Elya, I did try that. Last year actually. But the story was damn lame so i ditched it. HAHAHAHA.

Just wait, one day there shall be a book with an author name, ME. :D

Anyway... Moving on. I went to parkson last night. Left there almost the closing time. There was a long ass queue there. It was so long Miri to KL looked short. So we had to stay in the queue for a very long time. You know how impatient assholes are... They start honking their cars ass out. How can someone who owns a car be so stupid? I mean, do you think when you honk, oh suddenly the cars would move magically? Get a new brain if you think like that. I mean hello? I'm failing my ass off in school, even i could think of that... God. Assholes.

Here's another thing. If the honking was like just a... "Honk!" it was still forgivable. Instead, the honk was like... "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". I say, fuck you. Fuck your stupid brain. Stupid. Eesh! Can't you just chill for a sec? I'm sure no one's dying while your stuck in the queue. Unless there is, YOU STILL DIDN'T HAVE TO HONK A VERY LONG-LOUD HONK NOW DID YOU?! Dumbass. EEEEEE! I'm so irritated!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD?! There's also that thing about the church being burned down... IN MALAYSIA! What's up with that?!

Please, I don't wish to enter that drama. I won't survive in that drama. Let's just leave it at that. I don't know who's at fault, I didn't point my fingers at anyone and I didn't even say anything about it (except for "What's up with that?!"), so don't start bashing in my comments. (Unless you honked a very long-loud honk last night at parkson's parking lot, I'd like to have a discussion with you, please do comment)

Guess who's feeling old and useless.

2010-01-08T19:57:00.004+08:00

Me.

Why? Just cause...

Anyway. First school week... Oh, sounds sooooooooooooooo cliche wtf. Can't wait to stop saying that. Yeah, first week was O-VER. While the nagging starts. Can't wait for that to stop too. Which I think is impossible.

And Jaje, Aleen and I even started planning stuffs to do after school's over. And it's only just the first week wtf. I don't want to jinx the plan (not that I'm superstitious, but I just don't OK?) so I shall mention it little. OMG I'M SO EXCITED FOR IT I HOPE THE PLAN WON'T JUST BE THROWN IN THE RUBBISH BIN! Like all the other plans did... *Rolls eye*

Jaje told me about this.
And I desperately googled for this today wtf. It's apple's for God's sake! How can I not desperately google for it?!

Kay, I'm gonna stop here. If I go on... I'm gonna be bitter and start talking about my vague future.

Bye.

I don't like 2010.

2010-01-01T16:15:00.012+08:00

Went to Google just now and saw this,

And I immediately said, "Oh so preeeeeeeeeeeeetty~" out loud. Lol

Oh wow. This feels so surreal. As much as I want the time to stop, it's finally here. The year that I'M going to be sitting for SPM. As much as I hate the word "Me" and the acronym "SPM" together in a sentence, eventually it has to be used together someday. And I'm sure it's going to used alot this year.

This morning, I woke up so early despite the fact I slept late, I just stayed there on my bed. Not moving but just staring on the ceiling. Just hoping, somehow, if I just stay there on my bed, not moving... The time would stop too.

There's sooooo many things I'm worried about this year. Not only SPM. But my future. What the fuck am I going to be doing after SPM? Do not tell me I'm still going to be here still typing on this keyboard while sitting on this chair, with this computer in this house. Just don't. I'm serious.

I do not want to still be doing that. I mean the still staying in this house part, this blog will run for as long as I can manage (which I think is a long time, lol). I don't mind staying for just a few months... But if 2011 kicks in and my so-called "New Chapter In Life" is, to still live in Miri, I'd go crazy.

So, my 2010 New Year's Resolution is,

Chop my hair short (I'm tired of keeping this long hair, and it isn't long enough to cover my boobs wtf? So, chop I shall)
Enjoy the year as it is the last year in school.
Somehow find the will to study, even if what I want to do after SPM doesn't revolve around what I learned in school. (Not including the counting money and whatnot's)
FIND OUT WHAT TO DO AFTER SPM!

Short but damned to be done.

"I'd like to make myself believe, that planet Earth turns slowly, it's hard to say I'd rather stay awake, when I'm asleep,
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams"

Bye 2009-Felicias'.

2009-12-31T23:56:00.011+08:00

It's going to be 2010 couple more minutes.

Let's start reminiscing, shall we?

Right, so... I was separated with my close friends'. It really felt like hell not being able to gather around and non-stop chit-chatting with each other like how we used to. Everything felt so easy when we were just having a carefree talks, mind you it was our PMR year. Even the day of PMR we still haven't got smacked in the head with a bat yet, we were still ohso-carefree like that (no wonder I got that shitass result lol).

But when 2009 entered, we were separated like someone just ripped us off from the strong-hard-sticky glue that stuck us together in the first place, all the new surroundings that we were going through. Making new friends, studying new subjects, meeting new evil teachers, making new mistakes all alone.

Thought that we were gonna still be as close as we were the year before throughout 2009, but I thought wrong, we didn't. We grew apart. Very far apart. We started bitchin about each other behind each others back, it was like as if Mean Girls was playing in my head wtf.

How can people who are so close be each others #1 enemy the next year (well... Maybe not #1, maybe #12 or something), I wonder? So, I tried so hard hating, not acknowledging ones presence, but it's just too damn effing hard. So I tried being a civilized person, I smiled, said HI and whatnot's. But I grew from being civilized to being fake. Though, some part of me really do cared o.O So, I'm saying I wasn't entirely fake :)

What else happened? Oh, I became closer with Jaje and she introduced me to everything-Korean. Thanks to her, I'm addicted to it til this very day. Due to us both having the same enormous interest in everything-Korean, we yapped non-stop in class. Not to mention loud. I never forget the day I found out Jay left 2PM and Korea. I was devastated. Now, I'm just waiting for his return. Jay, you come back now!

Then there's the test. I did something that I'm still quite traumatized about now that I think of it. And after every exam week, there's that report card week. Let me just tell you this, it's not my report card if it doesn't have any reds. Like 4-5 reds. One time I got last in class cause I literally didn't study any shits. I even got a fucking B for my English. How insulting. I'm gonna make sure that it's just a one time thing. Cause it better be!

Let's not forget about guys... Lol. One day, I think it was on a Sunday, I went to Boat Club with Jas. There, we met this little girl. We were just talking to each other about how we want to build sand castles but we didn't have any equipment. Then the little girl (I forgot what her name was, so sorry) talked to us asking if we wanted to join her (isn't she just the bravest? Haven't she heard of kidnappers? or pedophiles? Not that we are, but...), so we said sure. Then she introduced us to her cousin, I think the name was Bert? or was it Barry? I don't know, it starts with a B, I'm sure. Damn he was hot! Well, he wasn't really now that I just had a vague memory of how he looks like. Wait! I think his name was Bernard? Or Berny? Something like that. That story ended pretty quickly though lol.

Then on Gawai week, I forgot when was that... Was it July? or June? Somewhere there, yeah, I went to Labuan for 2009 MSSM for Archery. That time I was really crazy over that Flo-Rida song. The one that goes like "Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, the whole club looking at her, next thing you know she hits the floor" yeah I'll stop there before I get carried away. I don't remember the name of the song.

So yeah, I think I saw this guy on the 2ND day. He was from Labuan. I did not know wtf his name was so I started calling him Apple since then. People kept asking me, "why do you call him Apple, is it because he reminds you of an Apple?" No, I was just simply addicted to that Flo-Rida song. The "Apple Bottom Jeans"? Btw, that "ABJ" after my name is the acronym for it lol.

Due to him living in Labuan, and I in Miri. The crushing session ended. But my desire for apples grew. Majorly. I bought apple printed slippers, apple printed bra and matching undie, apple brand jeans, apple bracelet, Serena gave me apple necklace for my birthday which I have yet to grab a hold on. Then I noticed, Lee bought me a ring like ages ago and that ring had colourful stones shaped like an apple on it like wtf? And get this... He bought it in Labuan! Is that not an O-M-G moment?

Anyway, then I went back to Miri. So... Since I'm close with Desmond and Myron who are guys and I am not gay, so I like guys and no, I don't like them, them as in Desmond and Myron, why, cause they're like brothers to me. LOL! They have this friend, let's call him Olga (how random am I?). Btw, Olga looked like this guy that I used to like in 2006. Anyway, it was all fine and dandy at first. He knows of my existence, he jokes with me, waved, smile, talked. But suddenly that one day... Don't know what or who hit him in the head with a bat, it was like he didn't know I existed wtf? I so hated him for that. I simply just hate being ignored. I'm just that shallow girl who thinks the world revolves around her OK, got a problem with that? Anyway, the problem was when he made me think. Hard. I hate thinking. Hard. I was so confused. What was the bloody feelings I had towards Olga? I liked him, but at the same time... I also disliked him. Boys *rolls eye*, they were made to screw you. But God some of them are HOT! Take these guys for instance,
Damn.
Oh-hot-damn!
God!
So,
Are
You
Screwed
Yet?

OK! Totally out of the topic and got carried away. But aren't they hot though? (I do not have ADD!)

Anyway, It's hard for me to just drop it you know? I want to forget him, ignore those feelings, but I'd always be anticipating for the next day of school, the recess, the time for teachers to leave and enter the classroom just so I could see him from my class corridor (EW! HOW SAD WAS MY LIFE?!). One more thing, we go to the same tuition centre. How lucky was I wtf. But I did drop it though. THANK GOD BTW.

Let's stop reminiscing and get back to reality. 2010 is coming just in a few minutes. I'm starting to feel the tears rushing to burst out. Each day passes to fast. It felt like I was only in Form1 yesterday... OK maybe like 2 years ago... But here I am. Just waiting to sit for my SPM. Mind you, I am. Not. Anticipating it. I hate the fact after I graduate from high school, end all this drama, be done with my SPM... I will be separated with my friends. Some will go to NS, some will go pursue their studies somewhere, and I...

OhmyGod. I think I just squeezed my last brain juice. I'm done. Happy New Year everyone. 2010 SPM candidates, ... I'll talk to all of you in a bit.

No, this is not a New Year post.

2009-12-31T15:22:00.007+08:00

This is just a random one.

Mom woke me up so damn early just now to go to my aunty's house. Eventually I woke up. I noticed alot of weird things in the house. Well, not really alot, just a couple, OK maybe just one. Lol. My cousin... Yeah, he had red hair. There's really no need for me to elaborate more on that. Mind you, I don't have any negative feelings towards this particular cousin or that particular colour, just... I was... o.O

Anyway, I wasn't really in the mood when I was in the house cause I was still sleepy. But due to the loud convo the old people were having, I was so alive. Even more alive when my aunty suddenly said, "Next year your turn. You and your cousin. You SPM, she PMR." She didn't only said it once or twice. She said it 3 times! LOL! Not a big diff but... It was like a slap in the face. What did I ever do to make her say that? Does she hate me so much wtf? Why does she have to remind me? I KNOW OK?! I know I'm sitting for SPM. Just shut up and mind your bizzwack can or not?! Eesh. I really felt like bursting into tears when she said that. I hate how people say time flies. Cause it's really true! Time really does fly!

OK. Major blow out. I don't wish to talk about this.

Then we ditched the house. So in the car we were talking about my uncle getting a new job promotion (congratulations, btw) and whatnot. Then suddenly salary topic came out... The older one (this is what I call my 1st brother) was talking about how much this job pays and that job all those. There was this one job the older one said, it paid for like 2k like that, then dad was like, "Want to buy your HP, finish already, want to buy Felicia's phone, finish already... It's not enough". Then I slide in as I see the chance (MUAHAHAHAHA!), so the convo goes like this,

Me: The phone that I want is cheap bah.
Dad:*Laughs* Is that true?
Me: Yeahhhh~~ Like 600+ only please.
Dad: Buy lah.

As soon as I heard that, DAEBAK! :D (Btw, daebak is jackpot in Korean)

But I have to confirm, so I asked...

Me: Are you serious?
Dad: Yala.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!! I'm getting a new cheap phone! And I'm happy wtf? Lol. I'm gonna get more details on the phone to see what else is there besides the touch-screen. But hello? It's touch screen wtf? AND 2PM DOES ENDORSE IT WTF?! Btw, I'm listening to the song My Color (My Color is 2PM's song endorsing the phone) right this moment wtf? Talk about coincidence eh?

Anyway, that convo ended then dad noticed the fuel is dying so is gonna stop at some Shell place thing. All that was done, the car had fuel, we were in the car all happy like wtf.

That's where things started to get weird, and it pissed me off. The humans' in the cars' passing by was staring with their eyes. I strongly despise people who stares. I know you have those two beady eyeballs, and you're entitled to use it for anything that you desire like staring at people for example. But please, don't stare. I'll slap those eyeballs out of their sockets if you stare I tell you!

Then one lady in a black MyVi, she lowered her window and pointed to our car's fuel tank thingy... So I looked... And Goddammit it was open. The first thing I said was, "No wonder people was staring! God bless that MyVi.", seriously.

So, lesson learned:

People abuse their eyeballs by staring.
Don't leave the fuel tank door open.
People stare when your fuel tank door is open.
DO NOT STARE! Or it will be messy.

. . .

2009-12-29T21:05:00.004+08:00

I feel miserable.

My throat hurts, my nose is runny, my eyelids are heavy, I feel lousy, and I feel dead. I'm practically a zombie.

When I swallow, it just... Feels awkward. It doesn't hurt, but it's awkward. OK, maybe it does hurt a little bit, just a little bit though. It feels dry. My nose, I have to blow every 3 minutes.

I need to take drugs. OMG what's happening to me? I've never relied much on meds... EW, I feel disgusted of myself wtf.

I need to sleep. Take care yo. And uh, Merry Christmas.

WTF.

2009-12-22T22:43:00.004+08:00

My parents are acting like it's my first time vacationing. So bloody annoying with their...

Don't bring this. Don't bring that. Use this bag. Don't use that bag. Share bag. Don't share bag. Pack now. You haven't pack yet! Pack this. Don't pack that. Flight tomorrow morning, why you still haven't pack (Mind you, this was in the afternoon), Bring only a couple, no need bring alot. Pack your stuff. Share bag. No, no, don't share bag. Pack your stuff, leaving tomorrow morning. Why you bring so many shirt? No need to bring so many lah. Share bag. No need share bag.

WTFFML!

You think it stops there? No it does not. It goes on. And they're allllll the same thing. Want to make me gila izit?! Dahla you make me miss my 90210 you assholes. I'm so bloody pissed off.

I'm staying up till midnight if I have to. I NEED TO WATCH MY 90210!!!! I wanna know what happened to Liam!!!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOMG I'M REALLY GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!

Anyway, I just noticed... This hols, I have not once gone out with my friendzies. Isn't that just sad wtf? I MISS THEM DEARLY WTF! I MISS YAPPING WITH JAJE IN THE CLASS THE MOST! I miss being hyper. I'm always hyper in school. At home, I'm like not hyper. More like pissy. OMG I'M SERIOUS! I miss my friends! So so so muchie~~~

I think my hyperness are rotting as I write this post. Yes, my hyperness, not my bones. My bones are fine, I guess?

I know random right? I was born to be random so...

My Korean binge needs a break.

2009-12-21T13:27:00.006+08:00

...And my Chinese binge is gonna come to stay for awhile.

Mind you, I have various of binge in me. For example, there's that American binge, British, Chinese, Malaysian, Indonesian, Japanese, Spanish, Korean, is there more? I'm not sure myself wtf (BTW, the sickness are in order from first to latest (Though I'm not really sure which one goes first and whatnots I just placed them at their current spots right no cause I feel that's the correct order, but I don't really know wtf)).

My American binge is always forever to stay. Yes, I believe that somewhere deep deep deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep down in me, I'm just a lost American soul trapped in a Malaysian body. LOLWTF!

Then there's British... I like their accent wtf. It's so... Sexy (Alex Pettyfer just crossed my mind wtf)

The Chinese sickness... Oh. I remember this. I remember this very well. It all started with Lee, my brother, know? Yeah... He was barraged with Chinese friends in his Form4 years I think? Or was it before? God knows, anyway... Yeah. Then one day... he brought this guy home. HE WAS CRAZY HOT TO ME BACK THEN! Kinda still is now. His name? Jay Chou. Yeap. That's him. I think he was my first celebrity crush wtf? I don't really feel like reminiscing so... Anyway, how is he now anyway? Is he still alive? Gotta go google him.

Then there's Malaysian and Indonesian, these 2 never really stayed long. Don't know why. And then Japanese... OMG! I remember this! it was all those bloody animes'! The first Anime I watched was (i think it was my first anime?)... Uhh... I forgot the name. There were 4 guys I think? Or was it 3? I remember there was this guy... He wore a round glass on one eye, he wore green shirt, hair was black, then this other guy, his hair was blonde, face was V shaped, chin so bloody pointy (I think?), he wore like... A kimono... For guys and the colour was light brown like that? Oh! And then there's this other guy! His like... A monkey? I think the name was Goku?

OH!!! And then there's this other anime... Uh? Eeshhhhhh~~~~ I forgot the name also! I think this was my first anime? There were this 2 school girls, one of them open some old book and she was sucked into the book, I guess? And she had to live in an old time. She met this guy who had green hair, I remembered his name! It was "Tamahome"!!!

And then and then!!!! There's this other anime!!! The girl... She had like... A stereotype? LOL! A stereotype with powers. I remember, the cartoon was kinda pervy wtf. HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA! Anyway, if the girl changed to her stereotype... Her hair would change colour. I think it was blue? Or purple? OMGWTF! I feel like watching it again! The guy in there was cool like wtf. I'm telling you, if I had to get married with a guy from an anime... I'd marry that guy. or that guy in Jigoku Shoujo (Hell Girl). BTW, I don't really have much choice for men in anime... Cause I've only seen like... What? 5 animes'? Or less even wtf. And why the hell did I start reminiscing? Sheesh.

ANYWAY!! Moving on from that. Spanish. Yeah. Blame this on Cesc Fabregas. And Fernando Torres, Xabi Alonso, and all those hot-spanish-football-playing guys. This engaged me to have a football sickness too. I supported Arsenal back then. Now, I don't watch them cause I'm to engrossed with my Korean sickness.

And then... Korean. BLAME JAJE! Seriously. Lol.

ANYWAY ANYWAY ANYWAY!!!

Going back to my Chinese binge that has come to pay a visit. Yeah. I was planning to watch this Chinese drama starring Nicholas Teo in it yesterday, but I needed to catch my Zzzs'. It's called Invincible Shao Bao Mei. Whatever that means. Bao Mei is baby girl, no? OH SHUSH! I'M NOT CHINESE! Hahahah.

Anyway, did you check Google today?

That bloody...

2009-12-19T16:03:00.004+08:00

Weird how last night I went to bed at 9+ but only to have myself staring at the ceiling, tussling to sleep. Thank God I didn't start thinking... Lol. I had music plugged into my brain so yeah.

Bloody slow Youtube made me turn in early wtf. Though I was a little sleepy. But as soon as my head hit the pillows... I was sweating wtf. That bloody aircond. So I tussled from side to side to find that perfect position. But nooooo~ My back just had to ache. Bloody back. BTW, by the time my back was starting to ache like an old dying person that I am, checked the the time and it was only 00:11, What. The. Fuck. How can something that felt so bloody century long be so... Not long?

So I continued like that. Tussling, sitting, staring, listening to songs that I know nothing of what they're saying, yes I'm talking about my Korean songs. Mind you, I'm not angry, I like my Korean songs. So anyway, then I started to lipsync to some of the songs that I almost know the lyrics to.

Then it was 3+. Finally I was ready to sleep. I turned of the song and tussled a little more for that perfect position (saying "perfect position" sounds so wrong wtf).

And TADA~ Here I am awake, lively and...Quite sleepy still wtf?

...Why in the world did I talk about this? O.o Awkward.

"I'm not gonna online on Tuesday. I'm gonna make sure of that."?

2009-12-15T20:35:00.003+08:00

One word.

BULLSHIT.

I'm wasting my holiday.

2009-12-14T00:17:00.004+08:00

I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to go out. I mean like, go out and have fun with them girls. But there's always a problem. Sheesh. I hate to admit it but... I have no life! I'm so sad wtf.

My daily routine goes on the same way every single day.

Wake up.
Toilet.
TV.
Breakfast/ lunch (mind you, sometimes my lunch is my breakfast).
Computer.
Dinner.
Computer.
Toilet.
Sleep.
Repeat step 1-9.

Is that not sad?

Anyway, I've been sleeping so late that sometimes I wonder why is today called yesterday after we wake up tomorrow. To me it feels like it's the exact same day.

I really don't feel like blogging much. I'm totally sleep deprived right now that i have dark circles around my eyes, LIKE A PANDA (only pandas' look cute with them, me? Not so much)! I'm not gonna online on Tuesday. I'm gonna make sure of that. I can't not online tomorrow. I actually have something to do. Yeah. Besides, I need to catch up on my reading. There's piles of novels in my room that needs be read.

And somehow I feel like my English is dying because of my Korean binge that I'm currently having.

I think I'm gonna stop here, I'm like, typing then backspacing constantly then retyping what I just backspaced. Oh, the sickness. DITCH!

There's only one problem

2009-12-12T14:30:00.006+08:00

...I could forgive. Heck, I forgive easily. You could be murdering Aiden and I'd still forgive you. Wait, No no. I can't. If murder, I just really can't. Uh... It doesn't matter, I just forgive easily.

But the forgetting part, that's hard. I, never, forget. Never. That's the problem with me. I can easily remember stuffs like this, like ppls' names and whatnots but I have trouble remembering bloody formulas' for maths and whatnots.

Anyway, I'm fine with the main character of the previous post already. Everything's all gooood~

BTW, Dad bought me the iPod edi. Not the colour I originally wanted but, I got it :D

It looks like that. BTW, that's not my picture. I googled it. LOL. I'm telling you, if google was a Matt-Lanter-like human, he'd already be my husband by now :D

This is Matt Lanter, BTW.

I call dips on him, so... No touchie him, capiche?

What is this thing called "Best Friends" that you keep talking about?

2009-12-11T21:28:00.005+08:00

Seriously, what is that? Is it, 2 normal human beings, met each other then became closer as days' pass. Vowed to be best friends. Does stuffs together. Basically trust the other party with ones life. Then, ditch the friend's life like it's some useless garbage and start looking for another new human being. Acting all "we're-still-best-friends". Is that best friends? OMG. Why didn't you say so...

HI BEST FRIEND! :D

Let's be the bestest friends. EVER. Let's trust each other, then ditch. OK? OMG :D!!! I'm sooooo excited.

I don't know what happened. But I thought WE were BFF. Well, ditch the extra "F", everyone knows that extra "F" is just an exaggeration. It started from that day... When you said you've watch New Moon. With your cousin. I mean, yeah. With your cousin, she picked you up from home. I know. When I want to go out with you, you'd just ditch me. Don't try to deny it darling, it happened ALOT of times.

On your birthday even, I was all crazy getting ready for you to text me to go out like we planned. But nope, I didn't get any calls, or text. Eventhough the other friends did text me but I didn't get it. Why didn't you text me or call me? It was a coincidence you were there? OK. OK. I understand. I believe you, it was all a coincidence. Why didn't you call me after the outing then? I had to hear it from the others first. It kinda stung my heart a little. When I said I hated you, I really did feel that way. Wait, no... Hate is a really strong word. Maybe, detest? But I learned to live with it. Bare with it.

But then, there's always that ONE PERFECT DAY. Always. A day where it's just the last straw. You went out with your new BFF. Went to get piercings with her and whatnot. Usually you'd bring me out together. You even said she was trying to use us last time. About how we're only her backup for when that random guy that she was suppose to meet stood her up. But all of a sudden now, you don't mind about it? Yeah, why don't you just let me die here alone, eh?

I mean, who effing cares about that bitch Felicia. She's so lame. She's so bitchy. She's so ditch-able (if that word even exist). What's up with her, she's so annoying. Like wtf annoying. So helpless. Always asking ppl to do stuff for her. Always complaining. Dahla bising. Mulut sik pande diam. Besar lalu jak mulut nya ya. Dahla sik pande malu. Rasa kacak gik ya. Rasa bagus glak. Everything is never good for her. She thinks the world revolves around her. Please la she. No?

Well, what's there to argue? All is true, no?

I'm so... Hurt. Really. I bet you know how I'm feeling right now, no? You, yourself have been ditched by that girl. You were so angry at the way she's all BFF with that other girl. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, you know who it is, cause YOU told me. You didn't like how she was ignoring you, right? What do you think about what your doing to me? You think I'm on top of the world right now? I'm not. I'm under the ground. I'm under-the-ground's-ground-like-almost at-the-center-of-the-earth under.

I'm very subtle about who I'm talking about here. It's hard to miss it if you're in the circle of my friends. It hurts, YOU KNOW?!

8 December. Happy Birthday, me.

2009-12-08T08:00:00.004+08:00

...And whoever's birthday is today.

I'm so Bored that I googled "8 December".

Here's something fun. Celebrities that have the same bday as me.

Let's see, there's, ...ALOT. I'm gonna list on the ones that I actually know. Which are,

Teri Hatcher, 1964 (a year younger than my Mom, interesting). The one in Desperate Housewives, ring any bell? The one playing Susan Meyer. Yeah, that's the one.

AnnaSophia Robb, 1993 :D OMG? I found another one the same year, the same day, the same month! BTW, if you're so that clueless of who she is, she's the one playing Violet who is always chewing gum in the movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Played Leslie, the girl who died in the movie Bridge to Terabithia.

And here's what happened in 8th December 1993, Bill Clinton, signed the North American Free Trade Agreement into the law.

Izit me or is the day I was born boring. I mean, really boring. Politically boring. How sad.

So, I'm 16 now. I don't see anything sweet about it. American's 16 is sweet because they get to have their license. Malaysian's can only get it unless 17 and above. So, there's really nothing sweet about our 16. I think Malaysian should call it... Sweet 17, no? Well, I am. Starting of now, TYVM.

BTW, I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY BLACK PAPER SAUCE STEAK!

And, HAPPY NOT-SO-SWEET SIXTEEN BIRTHDAY,
ME ABJ!!

Let me make this as simple as possible.

2009-12-05T00:31:00.006+08:00

I WANT

TO WATCH

NEW MOON.

I shouldn't touch anything

2009-12-03T23:24:00.004+08:00

... cause everything I touch, dies.

I don't know wtf happened to my PSP USB but it's not alive. I'm so irritated right now. EESH!

I feel like pulling that stupid USB till it breaks off. I feel like smashing that bloody PSP too, eventhough it isn't at fault. I'm just violent and furious like that.

I feel like cursing at it, shouting at it, scolding it, nag at it, kicking it to the wall, hitting it constantly with my fist, stepping on it, squishing it with my feet, going all archery at it, hitting it with a bat (mind you, I'm talking about the USB not the PSP), I also feel like burning it, cutting it into teeny tiny little pieces, OH I HATE THAT STUPID THING!

I hate how whatever I touch dies! Abruptly! It was good last week, suddenly dead this week. EESH! The same thing happened to the earphones. Stupid earphones!

WHAT!? Never seen a girl ranting her anger over a stupid USB on a blog before? Well then, there's always a first for everything, no?

OMG I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT HAPPY!