An awkward Hi.

Look, I know I haven't posted anything and I'm not going to feel guilty about it cause I can't be arsed (cba) about anything. A lot of the things that I used to do as an interest like reading, writing, and of course, blogging, feels like a chore to me now. A chore that I don't do.

But this is not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to talk about life. My life. How I am being treated. I'm not blaming anyone in particular because this is my life, and I am in charge of it, I know.

Okay. Here's the shit. Recently (well not at all that recent but whatever), I have this exaggerated feelings towards this Finnish boy who doesn't give a rats ass about my existence. I mean, yeah, he knows I exist, I know he exists (of course), I say hi to him, he says hi back. It's just that. I'm telling you, I bet he doesn't remember my name. Not even the first letter. And knowing the possibilities of this fact just dampens my soul.

And the thing that I'm just thinking about is the fact that I haven't seen his sharp Finnish nose in a long ass time. I haven't had a good conversation with him, I want to have a conversation with him. And he's going back to Finland after his finals and I'm not going to see him anymore I'm just a depressed little girl right now it hurts look at the lack of punctuation mark omg i just wanna see his face his sharp nose his smile the outline of his profile when he walks he walks so calmly so laid back like there's not a rush in the world he truly defies the time ok stop.

I like this guy. And I can't do anything about it cause it's like he doesn't exist, I don't see him around. For all I know he might just be a figment of my imagination. The conversation we had the teasing we did was all just my wishful thinking. He's like a werewolf ok - they only come out on a full moon. omg he's a werewolf isn't it.

What I mean to say in this post is that, I'm not lucky when it comes to love. Fact, I'm not lucky in a lot of things. I am not fond of falling for anyone, having feelings for anyone, cause I've seen the ending over and over and over again like a broken record player playing the same shit again and again. It's not a good ending. And then people tell me "Don't find love, let love find you", that's the shittiest bullshit I've ever had to stumble upon. I'll believe that shit when someone tells me love happens to have a map, a gps, a compass, google, bing, all on search for me - which it doesn't.

I'm just so over feelings. Having feelings suck. I don't wish to have feelings after this guy goes back to his homeland. I'll just be neutral. I'll be one of those asexual people. Then i'll have one less thing to worry about. So... Fuck you love, fuck you hard.