All the matters that I'm going to word out one by one is going to be really hard because I want to be in denial for awhile longer, I want not to be in agony because it hurts. So here goes.
First, SPM results are coming out soon. Very soon, actually. I don't know the exact date yet for I am living in a cave where I am protected from reality. I honestly don't know how to feel about it coming out soon. What I can say is I've been having sleepless nights after it was mentioned to me. I keep thinking I've messed up yet another exam. And that, makes me agonize in the middle of the night; tossed and turned like a maniac. Watching someone twist their ankle and break their leg doesn't soothe me down either. Fucking nightmare to have it be put on replay in your head.
Anyway, I knew I had to face reality sooner or later. What I didn't know was how heavy my shoulder would feel. (You don't know how long I paused and stared at the screen with a blank mind at this part) You know what, I just don't know what to say. I don't know what word to use to describe my feeling. What about scared? Yeah, I think scared is good. I'm scared. I'm scared to know the truth. I'm scared to know how bad I've done. I'm scared to face reality.
OMG I've just realized something. What if, the reason that I am scared right now is because the impact of what happened in the future was so bad it reverberated to the present ergo making me feel like this?! OMG does that mean I got a fucking ass-shit result? Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Fuck you Marshall. Fuck you so fucking bad Marshall. I want to kill Marshall right now. OMG why did you have to put that idea in me Marshall?! Fuck you omg fuck you so much.
Enough! I can't handle this anymore! It's costing my youth! Fuck you Marshall. Fuck you. No wonder I wasn't all that fond about you in HIMYM. Fuck you.
Moving on to number dos. (omg fuck you Marshall argh!) This is about my beloved Arsenal. They have a Carling Cup Final this weekend OK? This Sunday to be exact. It could be their first trophy since 6 years. It's about time the drought ends. They've worked so hard maturing each day and coming back stronger than ever this season, they totally deserve rain in the end of the day to wash the dirt off their hair.
Remember about someone somewhere? Yeah, someone was somewhere alright. He fucked us Gooners up again. He can't bare seeing us too happy about the win against Barcelona the other week so shim decided to take a couple of key players from us last night. Fucking bitch took Theo the sprinter and Fabregas the captain. Who the fuck does that? That's not sane. It's not. You don't go around taking people away OK?! That's just rude. Fuck you. You and Marshall. I think I've said this enough amount of times, but whoever you are someone, and where ever you are, I've had enough of you. You've driven up my last nerve to the wall.
You better make a miracle happen someone somewhere! I know Theo's definitely not fit for the final so I say fuck you but you better make him fit for Barcelona you bitch or you're going to need to prepare your death wish. And Cesc is only a doubt, so... Make it happen! Turn the fucking doubt to a positive yes for the final. It's his first final as a captain you old wanker! Have a heart will you? I just don't understand what's your problem with me. Like, what did I do to you? You know how distraught I was to see them having to leave the match by force? It hurts OK? It hurts in the chest, in the gut, in the throat. And it definitely left an impact in my mind cause I'm agonizing about it.
I hope not only did I kill 2 birds with 1 stone, I also killed someone somewhere with that 1 stone. Stop fucking me up, OK? I'm already unhappy and having sleepless nights as it is. You can't possibly make the matter worse. You just can't. It's cruel. And rude.
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